Wow i have 37 followers woop woop! thanks for following me =D I havnt posted a blog in a couple of days i have been flat out busy and really tired..i am doing my diploma in cooking so i have been a little caught up with work & such. Okay so had a bbq last night and didnt really wanna have one becuase i was exhuasted and i didnt feel like scrubbing the house from head to toe, but we did anyway...its hard juggling my work,social,education,home life. Another reason why i didnt want to have a bbq is because this girl cherry was invited, i didnt really want to invite her but my boyfriend is friends with her boyfriend so i invited them anyway..i dont like her cos first of all she is a skinny as a rake, and yes im jelous..but maybe im just being an over-protective girlfriend or a jelous bitch but i think my boyfriend likes her a little...maybe cos shes skinny i dunno..maybe he wants me to be like her. i cant help but feel like im being compared to her when she is around..becuase she is the same age as me, maybe he wants me to be more like her. im not sure.. or maybe its all in my head, not having any food makes me a little paranoid. i can tell you, i couldnt wait till it was fucken over!!!..but even my best friend nicole said that there was flirting going on, so maybe it wasnt all in my head. But cherry has had a kid and she is 20 like me and she is like 40kgs...and im sure she is ana, cos she has ana qoutes on her fridge that i have noticed, shes on anti depressents and all kinds of shit..all sorts of things run through my head, and anything i can find that makes me dis-like her i do, and i shouldnt be so acid towards her but i cant help it.
When i got to bed all i could think about was how much better my life would be if i was skinnier, i wouldnt be so insecure or jelous of skinny girls, and how my life would be if i were more like cherry...and how much more my boyfriend would like me if i was skinny. i know he loves me we have been together for 4 years, but cant help wondering if he really wishes that i was thinner. The new girl lexi started today, pretty much real life thinspo looking at me everyday, so thats a plus, shes a nice chick aswell...hopefully things that constantly remind me of being thin will help me out more.
i had a shitload of calories yesterday so im not writing it down its pretty damm shocking..but its a new week so im going to try hard to loose more kgs.
gtg to work now.. okay this post probly makes no sense but i dont have much time to think about what i was typing i just blotted it all out. lol.
leave me comments i love you skinnies.