Thursday, April 29, 2010

just a little thinspo ;)

i just felt posting pics again, not many words. i just need some thinspiratin right now more than anything. so i put some up for you to my skinnies♥ still abit down from yesterday saying or commenting on my fat ass. those bastards..they just give me motivation to make myself skinnier. they will see.
lotsa luvv

fat ass syndrome!!!!!!!

That was much needed skinnyness that my eyes needed to see!!
awww shit ;( i can count how many times in the last 2 days people have called me pretty to my face and then say "but you got a fat ass" at the end. amount of times = 17 times. its like everyone has got togehter and started bagging me out. fuck the lot of them. i want to stab them in the eyes. THATS IT! those motherfuckers have pushed me over the edge this time, im going hardcore..fuck it, ill do whatever it takes now...before i was soft on myself. but nope, fark it all.
There is a guy at our work who (no shit) looks like a better version of orlando bloom and his such a romeo his like oh your the prettiest girl here..but i dunno whats goin on with your junk in the trunk though. i was like devo :o wtf. what a burn. oh well my boyfriend is way better least he sais he will get me lipo one day haha. his the best boyfriend a girl could ever want, and his sleeping next to me he looks like a little angel..that snores hehe.♥

zomg, the shit that is flying around our work, you gotta duck for cover..cos fuck it was so tense at work..i have a new word in my vocabulary and it is: SKANKCHOPS..and im using this to descirbe a lady at work, becuase thats just what she is to me..well this lady tanya (skankchops) who has the haircut like a mushroom, is the biggest gossip she starts so much shit, but today carlos gave her a verbal thrashing. hahaha she soooo fucken deserved it, she started shit about me saying i was on heroin to loose weight..i was like umm yeah thats the first ive heard of it,phhhft....yet she is a 40 yr old woman who sleeps with 19 yr old men..But seriosuly i think she should go back to school the old washed up 2 cent hooker who dresses like a spice girl and learn how to get a fucken life!! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRH. as you might be able to tell i am venting, i have had enough of people commenting about my fat ass. fuckers. ill show them.
well im gonna go to sleep now and dream about skinny lambs jumping over my head. im tired, i went to a yoga class with carlos and im fucked. he kept falling on the floor and i kept bursting out laughing cos we looked fucking hopeless. hehe well off to my nice comfy bed, that is white and poofy cos i got new covers mmmm nothing like new bed sheets...also very good for sexy time ;D
love you my little skinnies♥

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Confessions & Photos of my somewat progress =O ;)lol

Here is what i looked like last month..i have a tattoo on my back saying lil chef..i also look really white, i think its the camera qaulity & i took that early in the day in my bathroom..look at that huge fat ass..grrrrrr.i hate it!

this is what im like at the moment, i stripped off in the toilet at work and took the photo,lol..thats why all my chef clothes are on the floor in the background still fat though :(

Okay this was yesterday, me holding a doughnut what the fuck am i doing!! - i had it for lost some willpower with that stupid gay chocolate coated fucking peaice of dough shaped like a circle! :)(:(:( ;( ;'*(
that next to me is carlos, his my boxing friend we gym it together,work together,drink together we are like 2 peas in a pod..he looks pretty knarly but his the nicest & funniest bloke ever!! and to ruin the photo i am wearing tight shorts that i should not be wearing for my figure..gross. im so conscious about my legs, but yesterday i thought fuck it ill wear this and ummm yeah..lets not do that again..not until im skinnier anyway.
im going to the gym this morning with carlos, he also motivates me to go..which is a good thing or id lay in bed and just not eat. gonna do abit of shopping aswell, need new bras and shit like that.
*~You might wanna grab some sugar free gum while reading this, it could take a while to prepare yourself~*
So, when my friend kelly was over the other night (thats right i called her a friend,lol) she confessed that she still steals things from shops, i dont really wanna go in shops with her incase they think i do it too..but when i got kicked out of home i did some things i was not proud of but wouldnt change how i did everything either.. so anyway i moved to a small town that was half an hour from the main city where i went to school, i had no money and i moved in with a kiwi family who used to give me like $200 bucks for a fortnight plus they put me on this thing called centrelink where they pay you money every week cos i was living out of home and a school student.. so anyway when i was at school i was hanging with a new crowd from this small town kambalda... they happen to still be really good friends with me (this is when i met kelly) this is how it played out..there were 5 of us girls including my boyfriends ex gf kaylee,kelly,aroha,roxy & me.. we used to catch the bus into school go to one class we liked..mainly art for me and then wag school and go shopping up town with our 5 finger discount..of course we had no money we used to steal everything..we used to go into shops try on 4 items of clothing and come out of the changeroom with was such an adrenilline rush and we all used to love doing it, we had the best clothes..friday was our day for raping the shops..cos we used to party on friday nights and go get smashed at house partys...this is how i met my boyfriend at the first party i went to..hehee...we started to get cocky like we would steal shit infront of cameras and walk into shops take something and run out..when we all met up and catched the bus back home we all went to one of our houses and would take everything out of our school bag to see what we had...if you can imagine 5 16 yr old girls laughing and rolling in expensive dresses and jewellery it was soooo fun. but id never do it again, cos i earn heaps of money now. i guess when your young and dumb, you dont think of the consequences. But it only got better, i didnt know that the centrelink had been paying me for months without me realising it, i checked my bank account and i had $5000.00 i was like OMGGGG i almost screamed at the atm..and what did i do?? i blew it. on clothes and anything i wanted, i had never had that much money in my life before..well i was 16, and what else was i gonna do with it, looking back i coulda saved it, but me and my friends just had a ball..knowing you could buy almost anything you wanted was an awesome feeling. Now, i get paid $2000 a week so its not that bigger deal for me..but back then holy was some of the best times i had ever had in my life..and it was great..did some things i wasnt proud of..but i have stopped doing that kind of shit..i was smoking aswell cos other girls where smoking...and its not like i was hanging with a feral bunch of yard moles, these girls are like really vain and always look the best even if it was just school..and to know such a secret about them, it makes me think maybe other girls like us have done it too. I always used to wonder how all the popular girls have the best of everything and you just wanna be like them cos they have everything..and there the same they must have rich parents or something??? Now me and my boyfriend own 3 houses and a business and im only 20 and he is 25..i have no reason to do stuff like that anymore..oh well..when ever we see each other we reminise about the past and it was just hilarious and was like we were invincible..people were jelous of us cos we had great stuff, we always looked good cos we had nice clothes and stuff and whatever we did we had the most yeah i miss those days mainly cos i always had a ring of friends around me..but now i just keep a couple of close ones that i can trust. So when Kelly the other night tells me she still steals, i told her she should probly stop becuase where not 16 anymore, were 20 and if she gets caught it will stuff her chance of getting a job..or end up in jail with charges against her or watevs.
fuckkk, what a longggggggggggggggggggg post, feel sorry for who ever has to read it lols. i should cut down my blog posts they so long lol.
well intake outline for today:
b: toast with vegemite and glass of skim milk
l: spinach,tomato,ham,cheese,advocado on a vita heat cracker
s: frozen yohgurt with strawberries
d: something light, since im working out today ;)
stay thin & beautiful my lovlies ♥

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

a mini mia experiance ;)

Alright so im totally sneaking onto the work computer to write this blog entry hehe..!! naughty me! Anyway yesterday i had an encounter with abit of mia,woot. my boss just passed me a peice of cake and i was dumb & weak enough to take it and eat it, but i had a little and then went into the toilet and threw it up, i was kinda happy with that strange??? I then wrinsed my mouth with water cos i had the acdic taste in my mouth yuck! ewwwwwwwwww

So..for the rest of the day i put a elastic band around my wrist and snapped it incase i felt like binging out and i....WAIT. . . . just got interupted by the fat boy at our work who is eating cake..FFS (for fuck sake) i need privacy here. well his gone cos i told him i need privacy to write something important...well where was i..oh yes, the lacky band helped me out heaps..and it kinda worked but i kinda got over it after a few hours and decided to log onto my blogger account and print out some thinspo and carry it in my pocket..that pretty much worked ;D yays.

Well last night got an un expecting suprise visit from this girl kelly, i mentioned her before in my blog i didnt really like her, but i came home and my boyfriend had invited her and her boyfriend tristan over to have a few drinks cos he saw them in the when i got home looking like a peice of shit after a hard days work smeling like cooking oil, she is sitting on my lounge all dolled up..and i was in a little bit of shock cos the first thing i though was 1. what the fuck is she doing here and 2. i look like shit, holy shit hurry into the bedroom and change clothes!!
lucky its my house so i could check out what she was wearing and make myself look abit of a weirdo i know..its just the way i a very jelous kind of girl..but after i was chtting to her for like 5 hours i realised i was just being a bitch to her before for no reason, its all in my head.. and i actually really enjoyed her company..her dad died and i didnt say i felt sorry for her cos theres nothing i could do, but i said it must be extremmely hard for her loosing some one who was so close for so many years...i actually didnt want her to leave by the end i wanted her to stay over...

so yesterday i have learnt, not to be such a biaaaatch to everyone for no reason, i just am always paranoid that everyone is out to hurt me or soemthing..but i have been burnt alot from girls so thats probly why..well its like a weight has lifted off my chest for not being so negative..i will still be jelous probly but i wont take it out on them i dont think...they dont really deserve my evil wrath of bitchiness i spose.

well intake is:
b: muesli w skim milk & strawberries
s: yoghurt & bran
l: mixed salad: chicken,lettuce,cheese,egg,tomato,cucumber & balsmaic dressing
d: - nothing (like always)
well keep thin & beautiful i will post some more pictures as i dont have any cos im on my work it must be a boring post today listening to all my blabbering..hehee.
well gtg ciao ciao

Monday, April 26, 2010

pictures,louder than words.

I just felt like posting lots of pictures today, i need to look at some thinspo pics. i think im just going to go eat 400 cals. sitting in the car this morning, see this chick who used to really fat, looking like a twig..and i got depressed..i had to backwards glance to make sure it was her..i was so shocked. she looked really good, and her clothes look so much btter on her..she has no muffin top or an apple in her pants. grrrrrrr. seeing shit like that makes me hell jelous & fuckin annoyed; becuase im not like that yet. but at the same time motivates me more to wanna loose weight. i realised that i dont have a full length mirror in the house..ive always been okay with the top of my body, but maybe i was an-aware that i delibratly havnt bought one for that reason, i probly cant stand looking at my fat legs,love handles and butt. i think im gonna buy of my friends sais she looks at her self in her full length mirror for 4 hours a day...ive been in her house and she has the mirror in her kitchen & one down her hallway..i spose thats a good idea, you look at yourself eat and get repulsed..and you cant run away cos your always looking at yourself. She has body dis-morphic disorder, or i thinkk thats what its called, what she was describing kinda sounds alot like the things i do & think but maybe im just in denial or and just really screwed up and confused..who fuckin knows?!
I bought a measuring tape and a take my measurements to see if anything is actually happening..i know i need to go to the gym about 5 times a only going like 2 a the moment, poor effort i know. ;(
but ive been to a shrink a few years ago and there more fucked up than me...they twist shit around and make you sound like a weirdo, when all you do is think differently to them and what they consider "normal"..not really intrested in what they have to say anyway id rather spend money on nice clothes or a personal trainer lol.
wel im off to get ready to work..uggghhh i dont wanna go i just wanna stay inside all day and read more almost tempted to pull a sickie haha.
stay thin pretties

Sunday, April 25, 2010


Sheee$h. i want that chicks hair colour,eyebrows & body ;) one day..or maybe im wishin lol.
Yeppp couple of days ago a 5.2 earthqauke that hit here in our town of kalgoorlie. i was just sittin in bed doin my usual (reading blogs) and the whole house was SshAakinggggg!!!!..i live in a mining town so i thought it was just a minesite blast..but uhh noo. this is my 3rd earthqauke experiance..i live almost in the middle of the dessert where everyone drives around in brand spankin new cars and live in fancy houses..its like a little rich town with people who spend money like it dosnt matter... money burns holes through peoples hands here. Lots of houses/ hotels have cracks and bricks that have fallen off them..its pretty hardcore ill have to post some pics::

I took these piccys today..
You cant really see the damage in these photos, but you can when your lookin at it. ;)

Aiiight so its me & my boyfriends 4yr anniversary today!! yays!! I woke up and made scrambleed eggs for us both,i put bacon & italian sausage,chives,onion & tomato in the eggs with skim milk..i suppose it wasnt that bad, i had a little portion though with one sice of wholmeal bread and a small glass of orange juice.

Soo just went and had lunch at my old work and had a nice day lazy in the sun drinking my skim milk iced coffee & workin on my tan lol.. i have just had the best day today & i got a feeling its only gonna get better. im sooo in a love mood♥ right now. i just love everything. im giving myself a little breathing space from my ED and enjoying my day..but tommorow i will be extreme on myself so im just gonna enjoy this while i can..My boy is takin me out to this 5 star restaurant tonight..i think i will just have soup, probly the saest option or salad.

alright..goin to the cinema tonight, dunno what we are watching, i just kinda wanna lay at home on the couch and watch it on our tv..our tv is like 60" anyway so its pretty big... and i wanna watch avatar...but sometimes i get in these funny little kid moods where i wanna watch aladdin or the lion king :P heheee.

Last night to hold of my cravings for evil food, i cleaned the whole house, sorted out all my clothes and gave like 6 big bags of my clothes to this girl angela who is 13 and im sure shes gonna love it cos all my clothes are pretty exxy..and shes always wanted my louis vuitton bikinis so i gave them away to her, along with my old hadbags & jeans...oh well i uess i better buy some more clothes now haha!!! but i need to save..damm. oh well when i go to china hopefully i can buy heaps of rip off deisnger clothes lol

So intake:

b: scrambeled eggs ( ingrediants up there^^)

s: strawberry yoghurt - 90 cals

l: light iced coffee with skim milk and ceasar salad with no dressing

d: - probly soup,yepp. or nothing if i can

Well im off to sit on the couch under the air con with my blanket, cuddled up to my boy..and enjoy the rest of the day. have fun my pretties
ciao ciao my skinnies!!

Vitamin Lollies-lol.

"you could be empty, and i can be right here empty with you"

I came across this picture on my travels, i listened to my chem & the used for hours at a time in my room, curled up in my bed with my blanket over my stereo so mum couldnt hear..i still love them both..although i like mcr's older music rather than their new stuff. Oh and btw, i dunno how correct this info is but aparently you can keep eating vitamin C tablets cos your body expells it and it only uses what it can at a time, so you pee it i have been chewing on vitamin tablets (orange flavour) all day, it seems to have curved my sugar craving and lollie thing i have every few hours, tastes like sugar.. i should google it and find out if it has any cals?!??! Or if it is bad to eat to much. heh heh, it was a tip i got from an ana friend that i work with ;D