Saturday, April 24, 2010

Desperate for thinspo..!!

i dont wanna end up like this^
hmmm, not so sexy...!?!? :/

Kayyyy i wrote a hella awesome post and then my laptop battery died! && it didnt auto save nooooooooo0o0o0o00o dammiit! Anyway, went out clubbin last night and had a blast! I didnt have one drink at all i just drank water all night, people though ti was drinking vodka or something though lol. It was a pretty good night, but me and my twisted little girl mind always gets in the way..i saw lots of thin skinny girls last night, and i get angry cos i want to be like that..whats worse is i see all the girls from school aswell, i cant stand most of them. bitchfaces... ;(;( But soon got over it when i was carvin' up the dancefloor like a freak! ; But when i got home, took off my makeup and washed my face and let my hair down, i looked up into the mirror and i started having little tears come out.. i just was staring at myself...(*reminded me of a scene from the movie thirteen, gotta watch that btw* top movie) ..and it wasnt becuase i was sad, i just wish that i didnt have to battle my weight everyday, i hate it..i wish i could just make it dis-appear...i know that i didnt get fat overnight, and i know im not going to get thin overnight either..somedays its just so hard..i try to keep positive that i will loose the weight..but i have fat days, where i feel like it dosnt matter what i eat becuase i will always be fat no matter what..and other days i am so motivated to be skinny. i really need to straighten myself out! I almost feel like im not worthy of being with my boyfriend, he really deserves a skinny girlfriend who is happy with herself..and i put him through so much shit..i guess i never really felt good enough for anyone anyway.. i try not to push him away when i feel the way i do..and none of it is even his fault its just me being insecure.
Well tommorow night is me and my boyfriends 4 year anniversary!! He said his gonna take me out for dinner, i suppose ill eat, but low fat of course! whooo, i cant belive it has been 4 years already. wow. ill put a picture of my amazing boyfriend up on here (he'd probly kill me if he knew i did this,lol) i love him bulk ♥♥♥!!!
what a spunk!! ^^

Anyways, im probly gonna be a big hermit and live on blogger this week, im trying to stay at home so i dont spend money or go out and have lunch dates with friends, and eat un-neccasary calories. I weighted myself, still no change but that is a good thing i suppose from all the shit i have been eating in the last couple of days. i ate a whole block of myself :S geeez, that is not going to help my wobbly bum and legs :S:S
Heres some thoughts i came across in my mind this morning:
~ nice clothes only look good on skinny people
~ girls will hate each other for no reason at all
~ my life would be so much easier if i was thin
~ i made myself fat from lifting my hand to my mouth
~ i need to be on my blog to help myself with my eating
~ need to re-asses my controlled eating plan
~ sex during day light makes me nervous & worried about how my body looks to him
Anyways im off to draw myself up a new eating plan, ill post it up on here when im finished with it. Anyways everyone tell me how your all coping with your ED or just say anything really, id love to hear from you all my pretties♥


  1. CONGRATS ON 4 YEARS!!! thats super great. you are doing great, i mean you not gaining is wonderful. me on the other hand, if i place a piece of 5 cal gum in my mouth it puts on 2lbs. keep going. oh and i do the same thing whn it comes to pushing my bf away whn im in one of those moods. i then wonder why he still wants to be with me...

  2. Awwwww, that's awesome. My bf and I are coming up on 3 years in October. It's nice to have someone around.

  3. You're boyfriend is just fucking beautiful haha.
    Well done on just drinking water, I went out on Friday night and I sooo wish I stuck to water but nope!
    Shame haha.
    You're doing so great!
    Well done skinnie.

  4. You're doing great! Your boyfriend is a hottie, and you totally deserve him. Even if you worry about how you look to him, let him decide if he likes your body. I worry all the time that I'm too fat for my bf, but he thinks I'm beautiful no matter what. Don't worry, I'm sure he loves your body :)

  5. I know the feeling. I stress every single day of my life. my boyfriend is skinny and very good looking girls are always looking at him. We had our third year a few months ago always scared he will see me and think how fat I am and get with a skinner girl. but good job only drinking water amazing will power. Keep strong !