Desperate for thinspo..!!

i dont wanna end up like this^

hmmm, not so sexy...!?!? :/

Kayyyy i wrote a hella awesome post and then my laptop battery died! && it didnt auto save nooooooooo0o0o0o00o dammiit! Anyway, went out clubbin last night and had a blast! I didnt have one drink at all i just drank water all night, people though ti was drinking vodka or something though lol. It was a pretty good night, but me and my twisted little girl mind always gets in the way..i saw lots of thin skinny girls last night, and i get angry cos i want to be like that..whats worse is i see all the girls from school aswell, i cant stand most of them. bitchfaces... ;(;( But soon got over it when i was carvin' up the dancefloor like a freak! ; But when i got home, took off my makeup and washed my face and let my hair down, i looked up into the mirror and i started having little tears come out.. i just was staring at myself...(*reminded me of a scene from the movie thirteen, gotta watch that btw* top movie) ..and it wasnt becuase i was sad, i just wish that i didnt have to battle my weight everyday, i hate it..i wish i could just make it dis-appear...i know that i didnt get fat overnight, and i know im not going to get thin overnight either..somedays its just so hard..i try to keep positive that i will loose the weight..but i have fat days, where i feel like it dosnt matter what i eat becuase i will always be fat no matter what..and other days i am so motivated to be skinny. i really need to straighten myself out! I almost feel like im not worthy of being with my boyfriend, he really deserves a skinny girlfriend who is happy with herself..and i put him through so much shit..i guess i never really felt good enough for anyone anyway.. i try not to push him away when i feel the way i do..and none of it is even his fault its just me being insecure.

Well tommorow night is me and my boyfriends 4 year anniversary!! He said his gonna take me out for dinner, i suppose ill eat, but low fat of course! whooo, i cant belive it has been 4 years already. wow. ill put a picture of my amazing boyfriend up on here (he'd probly kill me if he knew i did this,lol) i love him bulk ♥♥♥!!!

what a spunk!! ^^

Anyways, im probly gonna be a big hermit and live on blogger this week, im trying to stay at home so i dont spend money or go out and have lunch dates with friends, and eat un-neccasary calories. I weighted myself, still no change but that is a good thing i suppose from all the shit i have been eating in the last couple of days. i ate a whole block of chocolate..to myself :S geeez, that is not going to help my wobbly bum and legs :S:S

Heres some thoughts i came across in my mind this morning:

~ nice clothes only look good on skinny people

~ girls will hate each other for no reason at all

~ my life would be so much easier if i was thin

~ i made myself fat from lifting my hand to my mouth

~ i need to be on my blog to help myself with my eating

~ need to re-asses my controlled eating plan

~ sex during day light makes me nervous & worried about how my body looks to him

Anyways im off to draw myself up a new eating plan, ill post it up on here when im finished with it. Anyways everyone tell me how your all coping with your ED or just say anything really, id love to hear from you all my pretties♥

kristin

xx