Wannarexic ;(

Sorry for my dis-appearance i have been busy and working abit too much :( so today i called a sickie at work..not a fake one though, i ate some indian food last night and shit. i mean thats what i was doing shitting & spweing everywhere :( its hell gross. i think i delibratly got sick though..cos there was a guy there who used to try and hit on me and i said no, but then he got my number off his work phone when i rang up to order..then i started getting calls from him like 12 times a day and i got sick of it and when he rang again carlos answered the phone and told him to fuck off or his gonna shove his head up his ass. fair enoguh. he never called me again...so when i ordererd my chicken korma i thought everything was all good until i started throwing up and crapping myself..fucking twats they did something to my food. those cunts. i guess its not all bad, i wont be eating for a little while. lol. stay at home in bed is a good option for me at the moment.

So this is what i got up to on sunday, me and my friend kelly sat in her lounge with her boyfriend and a few others making play doh burgers. lol. better than eating the real thing i spose. I had a great sunday..just relaxing which i havnt done in so long. Me, kelly and tristan went and ordered a "big mob of hot chips" is how i explained it over the phone and some gravy and sat at the front of our house using a scarf for a blanket having our own picnic. it was great, the weather was perfect and i just had one of those days im gonna remember forever...i have only had a rare handful of these days..and they all hold really good memories for me.

So..i had hot chips, yep and i had a large chocolate sunday last night, indian food (BAD) and wedges with sour cream. I have fallen off the ban wagon hard and been eating really shitty food, but luckily havnt gained much weight. i have been exercising like a maniac though i went to the gym for 2 hours and only managed to loose 200 cals on the xtrainer and stair machine but i like to feel the burn..of course i ruined all my hard work by eating that shit..but i cant re-strain myself. bad kristen..ill smack myself. But aside from that one day eating really shithouse food i have been eating alot of fruit & veg, noodles,nuts and chicken and salad wraps. I think maybe i should stop kidding myself, ill never be ana. i should just do what everyone sais and eat healthy and exercise..although i do love counting calories and looking at thinspo..maybe im just a wannarexic. :( dammm. sorry guys ive let you all down, i still plan on loosing weight but in a different way..fuck i hate being so in-decissive i can never make up my mind and what i wanna do..i guess thats why ive never been successful loosing tons of weight. I will still post thinspo cos i need a goal to aim for. I guess i will still type about the same crap i always do and still have the same goals, just eating alot more differently than i was. i will still consume probly 800-1000 cals. god, makes me shudder but i think ive had a change of heart, from when i found out that i could have difficulties having children if im not eating right, plus we have a heart condition in our family..so i think just eating healthy and still counting what i eat is gonna help me the most..starving for days on end fucks my head up bad!!!!!

well went to the gym and bought a personal training diary and it maps out how many calories,exercise and everything youve eaten in a day..i should scan a page so you guys can print it out and make your own book..or you could just buy one for $30 bucks ;)

well tell me what you think guys??? :) hopefull youll still follow my blog even though im eating more calories. *sigh* dont worry ill still probly abuse the shit out of myself when ive had a fat day. lol.

ciao ciao

xx