Ahoy me skinnies! ♥

Helllloooo i seem to be missing in action at the mo' sorry guys!! I dunno what i been doing lately to be honest..im still fighting myself and my weight..nothing new there i spose. I think ive been a real slack ass.

Well went n did some "man shopping" today with my old friend dylan aka. "dylanger" because he dosnt like to have a boring name lol. We were joined at the hip almost everyday for all of our high school years, he also went through the same thing as me, batteling with weight...he was really really fat (hard to belive) and he has lost over 40 kilos!! Im so proud of him, girls now come up to him and say his really hot but he tells them to fuck off cos they never liked him before when he was fat. which i think is fair..but people do look better when they are skinnier i spose. Soo0o we went to cotton on and dressed in some pretty outrageous clothes.heres some photos i took on my phone, i dressed him in these! lmao!!:

Um yeah we have really big bags, we could almsot fit in them haha..well we tried to climb in but the shop person was lookin at us like we were on crack or somethin haha.I know, i still look like a fat blob..but the clothes im wearing dont really help either..what was i thinking.??????And this is my most recent photo, i know im looking abit fake and very fat :S but i plastered on the make up cos i was going out :) lol. true kalgoorlie style. stfu anyway if u dont like it lol. Most girls look like they have concrete caked onto their faces and you could get a trowel and scoop it off LOL. i got the hell ghetto earrings happening there ;D cha ching!

Anyway since i have had a really big fat day with an overload of fatty food and binging i have decided to go on strike with food again. im just not gonna eat as much during the day..and since its my 2 days off im just gonna sleep so i dont eat. yeppp. sounds good to me! Me and my friend lexi are having a competition who can loose the most weight in 2 months. and we decided who ever wins is gonna shout the other person a trip to bali...like bali is so cheap so its only a $100 flight and some accomadtion..so its only like a $500 bet..which i dont wanna loose lol!! I guess it gives me abit of motivation aswell. so FUCK YOU FOOD. muwahahahahaha.

Next friday i get my new tattoo on my foot, its gonna be dardy as! Ill post piccys! Well im really not looking forward for next week i have to work a week straight..gay. :( but i get 4 days off and im soo going sun baking in the beer garden at judds. woop woop. ill take my dylan and we'll sit out in the sun all day. yay. i need to work on my tan its heaps fading and im all pasty n shit. shudder shudder shudder.

Well in my last post i said i was gonna scan a page from my fitness diary, i will do that on monday kk. ;) I need some snack ideas..im kinda just sticking to watermelon at the moment..but its kinda sugary and yoghurt makes me feel fat now. maybe just chewy gum or pumpkin seeds? id love to hear your suggestions guys!!

stay thin & pretty♥ xo

Confessions & Photos of my somewat progress =O ;)lol

Here is what i looked like last month..i have a tattoo on my back saying lil chef..i also look really white, i think its the camera qaulity & i took that early in the day in my bathroom..look at that huge fat ass..grrrrrr.i hate it!

this is what im like at the moment, i stripped off in the toilet at work and took the photo,lol..thats why all my chef clothes are on the floor in the background lol..im still fat though :(

Okay this was yesterday, me holding a doughnut what the fuck am i doing!! - i had it for lunch...im lost some willpower with that stupid gay chocolate coated fucking peaice of dough shaped like a circle! :)(:(:( ;( ;'*(

that next to me is carlos, his my boxing friend we gym it together,work together,drink together we are like 2 peas in a pod..he looks pretty knarly but his the nicest & funniest bloke ever!! and to ruin the photo i am wearing tight shorts that i should not be wearing for my figure..gross. im so conscious about my legs, but yesterday i thought fuck it ill wear this and ummm yeah..lets not do that again..not until im skinnier anyway.

So000000oooooooo0ooooo........

im going to the gym this morning with carlos, he also motivates me to go..which is a good thing or id lay in bed and just not eat. gonna do abit of shopping aswell, need new bras and shit like that.

*~You might wanna grab some sugar free gum while reading this, it could take a while to read..so prepare yourself~*

So, when my friend kelly was over the other night (thats right i called her a friend,lol) she confessed that she still steals things from shops, i dont really wanna go in shops with her incase they think i do it too..but when i got kicked out of home i did some things i was not proud of but wouldnt change how i did everything either.. so anyway i moved to a small town that was half an hour from the main city where i went to school, i had no money and i moved in with a kiwi family who used to give me like $200 bucks for a fortnight plus they put me on this thing called centrelink where they pay you money every week cos i was living out of home and a school student.. so anyway when i was at school i was hanging with a new crowd from this small town kambalda... they happen to still be really good friends with me (this is when i met kelly) ..so this is how it played out..there were 5 of us girls including my boyfriends ex gf kaylee,kelly,aroha,roxy & me.. we used to catch the bus into school go to one class we liked..mainly art for me and then wag school and go shopping up town with our 5 finger discount..of course we had no money we used to steal everything..we used to go into shops try on 4 items of clothing and come out of the changeroom with 2..it was such an adrenilline rush and we all used to love doing it, we had the best clothes..friday was our day for raping the shops..cos we used to party on friday nights and go get smashed at house partys...this is how i met my boyfriend at the first party i went to..hehee...we started to get cocky like we would steal shit infront of cameras and walk into shops take something and run out..when we all met up and catched the bus back home we all went to one of our houses and would take everything out of our school bag to see what we had...if you can imagine 5 16 yr old girls laughing and rolling in expensive dresses and jewellery it was soooo fun. but id never do it again, cos i earn heaps of money now. i guess when your young and dumb, you dont think of the consequences. But it only got better, i didnt know that the centrelink had been paying me for months without me realising it, i checked my bank account and i had $5000.00 i was like OMGGGG i almost screamed at the atm..and what did i do?? i blew it. on clothes and anything i wanted, i had never had that much money in my life before..well i was 16, and what else was i gonna do with it, looking back i coulda saved it, but me and my friends just had a ball..knowing you could buy almost anything you wanted was an awesome feeling. Now, i get paid $2000 a week so its not that bigger deal for me..but back then holy fuck..it was some of the best times i had ever had in my life..and it was great..did some things i wasnt proud of..but i have stopped doing that kind of shit..i was smoking aswell cos other girls where smoking...and its not like i was hanging with a feral bunch of yard moles, these girls are like really vain and always look the best even if it was just school..and to know such a secret about them, it makes me think maybe other girls like us have done it too. I always used to wonder how all the popular girls have the best of everything and you just wanna be like them cos they have everything..and there the same age..like they must have rich parents or something??? Now me and my boyfriend own 3 houses and a business and im only 20 and he is 25..i have no reason to do stuff like that anymore..oh well..when ever we see each other we reminise about the past and it was just hilarious and fun..it was like we were invincible..people were jelous of us cos we had great stuff, we always looked good cos we had nice clothes and stuff and whatever we did we had the most fun..so yeah i miss those days mainly cos i always had a ring of friends around me..but now i just keep a couple of close ones that i can trust. So when Kelly the other night tells me she still steals, i told her she should probly stop becuase where not 16 anymore, were 20 and if she gets caught it will stuff her chance of getting a job..or end up in jail with charges against her or watevs.

fuckkk, what a longggggggggggggggggggg post, feel sorry for who ever has to read it lols. i should cut down my blog posts they so long lol.

well intake outline for today:

b: toast with vegemite and glass of skim milk

l: spinach,tomato,ham,cheese,advocado on a vita heat cracker

s: frozen yohgurt with strawberries

d: something light, since im working out today ;)

stay thin & beautiful my lovlies ♥

xx

a mini mia experiance ;)

Alright so im totally sneaking onto the work computer to write this blog entry hehe..!! naughty me! Anyway yesterday i had an encounter with abit of mia,woot. my boss just passed me a peice of cake and i was dumb & weak enough to take it and eat it, but i had a little and then went into the toilet and threw it up, i was kinda happy with myself..is that strange??? I then wrinsed my mouth with water cos i had the acdic taste in my mouth yuck! ewwwwwwwwww

So..for the rest of the day i put a elastic band around my wrist and snapped it incase i felt like binging out and i....WAIT. . . . just got interupted by the fat boy at our work who is eating cake..FFS (for fuck sake) i need privacy here. well his gone cos i told him i need privacy to write something important...well where was i..oh yes, the lacky band helped me out heaps..and it kinda worked but i kinda got over it after a few hours and decided to log onto my blogger account and print out some thinspo and carry it in my pocket..that pretty much worked ;D yays.

Well last night got an un expecting suprise visit from this girl kelly, i mentioned her before in my blog i didnt really like her, but i came home and my boyfriend had invited her and her boyfriend tristan over to have a few drinks cos he saw them in the supermarket..so when i got home looking like a peice of shit after a hard days work smeling like cooking oil, she is sitting on my lounge all dolled up..and i was in a little bit of shock cos the first thing i though was 1. what the fuck is she doing here and 2. i look like shit, holy shit hurry into the bedroom and change clothes!!
lucky its my house so i could check out what she was wearing and make myself look better..im abit of a weirdo i know..its just the way i think..im a very jelous kind of girl..but after i was chtting to her for like 5 hours i realised i was just being a bitch to her before for no reason, its all in my head.. and i actually really enjoyed her company..her dad died and i didnt say i felt sorry for her cos theres nothing i could do, but i said it must be extremmely hard for her loosing some one who was so close for so many years...i actually didnt want her to leave by the end i wanted her to stay over...

so yesterday i have learnt, not to be such a biaaaatch to everyone for no reason, i just am always paranoid that everyone is out to hurt me or soemthing..but i have been burnt alot from girls so thats probly why..well its like a weight has lifted off my chest for not being so negative..i will still be jelous probly but i wont take it out on them i dont think...they dont really deserve my evil wrath of bitchiness i spose.

well intake is:
b: muesli w skim milk & strawberries
s: yoghurt & bran
l: mixed salad: chicken,lettuce,cheese,egg,tomato,cucumber & balsmaic dressing
d: - nothing (like always)
well keep thin & beautiful i will post some more pictures as i dont have any cos im on my work computer...so it must be a boring post today listening to all my blabbering..hehee.
well gtg ciao ciao
xx

Pill Poppin' Junkie!!

Holleey shit, i have 51 followers! wooo ;) like thats probly nothing to the people who have like 800 or watever but that number is presh to me ♥ thanks for following me guys!!!!

Alright so im eating my brekky (muesli & skim milk), and ive just popped 3 pills before i ate..yesterday i decided to go to the chemist and find some pills/shakes to help me loose abit more weight..luckily i had a chick who was heaps into loosing weight & diets and she was telling me all the pro's and cons of different pills and shit..shes like the same age and has tried it all...so i took her advice on these all natural pills. I wanted a more natural supplement cos i dont want to harm my body as much; eg: fucking up my liver,heart attacks and all that jazz. So im trying out these pills lipoburn hardcore. There aussie made and are all natural ingrediants with a hit of caffeine..they cost me $60 bucks and i take 6 tablets a day..none before bed or you go friggen loo0o0oopy and cant sleep.

So this is my 2nd day on them, and the only thing ive noticed is that ive had a little bit of a headache, but i never drink coke or coffee so ive never had a high intake of caffeiene before. I feel a little jittery and my stomach rumbles, i really hope this dosnt fuck me up!! lol..but im gonna give it a go for 2 weeks. I read on the label that increases your body temperature.. and omfg i was sweating like an arab in customs yesterday!! i felt that fucken hot! I do wear like 3 shirts under my chef jacket but ive always done that, but shit. i felt warm alright!!! These pills also help supress your appetite. yay!

Aaaaanyway i gave a lady at our work a couple of my pills cos she was lagging energy & wanted to loose weight and we were hell zippy..& we were in the coolroom eating chocolate cake, giggling like little kids in a candy shop, it was fucken weird but funny! and then crashed a few hours later., we were fucked!!!! I think i needed that cake though, i managed to burn it off i think by all the extra movement i was doing..like skipping around in the kitchen... if you were to walk into our kitchen last night you would have seen my boss who looks like carl williams, a skipping fuckin fruitcake and a out of control giggling kiwi woman. haha what a sight!!

pills,pills pills pills pills. food. pills pills pills. pills.pills pills pills pills. zing zing. pills pills pills pills pills. sleeeeep. zzzzzzz.

Theres not many reviews about these pills on the interent so im not really sure what to expect, but ill let you know. It sais your sposed to combine it with exercise and a calorie controlled diet, which i already do so hopefully this will help me shred abit more weight. Got on the scales this morning and lost a little bit of weight, almost another kilo but not quiete. (0.8kg)

Anyways i spose i better drag my ass into the shower and scrub up for work ;)

stay thin & beautiful my babes ♥

xx

Changerooms,Kilo's,Sex & Caffeine ;)

Sorry my pretties, i have been away for a little bit i have had an incredibly busy week!! Heloooooo to my new followers =D ♥ OHHH and that chick up the top is hella pretty! Well i have lost another KG! Im happy, but as always want more to go heheh. Okay lets start off with when i went shopping with porscha on saturday... I dread changerooms, simply becuase when i try on clothes and they do not fit & cannot fit i get all flustered and i get annoyed... and i look in the changeroom mirror and get so angry at myself for not being able to fit into them. I am a size 8 at the top and size 10 in pants, and i fucking hate it when i want a nice pair of pants that dont fit me and thats the only size they carry in the shop!! ;( bugger. one day i wont have that problem. My chef pants are looking pretty baggy at the moment though, a few of the customers have noticed that they look over sized..but i just say all chef pants look daggy so i get away without leaving them sus of my eating habbits.

Had sexy time this morning, woop! bet you all wanted to know that! but when im on top i have this thing in the back on my mind thinking, fuck i feel like im sqaushing him..but i guess the sex is so good so i forget..but after i think hmm..if only i was 10 more kilos lighter.

Well the german chick at our work left, she was awesome, a few days before she left she was telling me about these caffeine tablets called hydroxycut..and as she was giving me a hug goodbye she pulled out a tampon packet and i was like "what the hell???" 'she is giving me a tampon' lol..and she pulled out these 2 tablets and put them in my hand...and i put them in my pocket before my boss saw. She said they help prevent appetite and loose weight and increse your metobolism. I took one at 1pm yesterday and i felt like i had a headache, and didnt really feel anything..i suppose it was only one tablet though. took the second one at 5pm and about 6pm i was bouncing off the walls like a jumping jelly bean, i had eyes like frypans and i looked in the mirror and they were really bloodshot..but i felt really happy i was zinging around and i was soo happy haha...i actually had a blast, i had so much energy; i was extra chatty and it was like i was egging people on to be happy and it just spread lol. sounds like im a stoner right about now, dosnt it? But i noticed that my metobolism was running a muck i had to go to the toilet so much, but i was drinking a shitload of water and i was pissing like a racehorse. i should have just lived in the toilet for the last part of my shift lol.

I wouldnt reccomend going on them though i woke up this morning and i was still pinging so to get rid of the extra energy i went for a walk., (only burnt like 80 cals according to my ipod haha) but i read on the internet they can give you liver damage & shit. Also being caffeine i thought i would have had problems with my sleep but i had a great sleep...but i guess after long term use, it would fuck you up pretty bad i suppose. so maybe ill just take a couple every now and then..just before the weekend so i feel all spazzy & happy =D

Alrighty intake for the day:
b: wholemeal toast w. butter & vegemite & 250 ml cup of orange juice (lets say 250 cals)
s: mint chocolate ice cream (300 cals) - badddd! but i guess ill treat myself once this week. i eat sugary stuff before 3pm as a rule.
l: garden salad with chicken,tomato,cucumber (150 cals)
d: - nothinnn. i dont eat after 6pm.

Leave me comments, i love you's. ♥♥
xx

Just some inspiration "]

Heres some reverse & thinspo ;D enjoy my pretties x

I eat numbers not food =D

Okayyy so this is me (look at those flabby arms, my legs are worse!) people think that the blonde girl in the picture on the right is me, but that is the image i find attractive in a girl..healthy,smiling and thin =D I hope no one from my town reads my blog lol, oh well you get that. i wish i was more skinnier, i cant help but count the caloric content in my head; everytime i eat something it has a number on it, i dont see food i see numbers. I keep letting myself down by eating rocky road, fuck WHY am i so addicted to sweet things & chocolate..sure it makes me feel happy for a moment but makes me miserable later. evil evil rocky road. Well on the positive side of things alexia and porscha are now my gym bum buddies hehe we have gym dates which is really good, i need some extra motivation to get my ass out of bed. i love them to bits, they are the most awesomest chicks you'll ever meet and we all want to loose weight. plus plus ++

also..

lexi was talking about these horse tablets?? not sure what they are but shes getting some and what they do is they highten your body temperature by 1 degree so it makes your body sweat and you loose a kilo a day, your sposed to stay on them for 3 weeks and then go off them cos your body builds up antibodies for them or soemthing..sounds abit iffy i dont wanna mess with tablets that are ment for horses, i dont want to have a heart attack either..but id friggen love to loose a kilo a day!! fuck yerr!

time to plan my meals today:

b: muesli w skim milk - 300 cals, its probly not but i like to overadd my cals so that if ive miscalculated somewhere ive made up for it, but im sure its like 200-250 cals ;)

l: 2 vita wheat crackers w. spinach,tomato,lauhghing cow cheese -lets say 250 cals to be safe

s: frozen yoghurt- 80 - 90 cals depending on brand & flavour

d: - nothingg. yepp lovin goin to bed on a empty stomach feel so good in the morning!!

well im off to do abit of shopping therapy!! i need some new clothes & stuff, new camera & gym clothes..gotta look good when i go to the gym- you know..i like to feel good when im wearing good clothes haha, even if its only the gym lol.

love you my little pretty skinnies, leave me comments i love you all!!
xx

Surviving The Weekend ;o

A good way to start the day, with a lil bit of thinspo ;D Awwwft :( my computer has this thing where this warning pops up and its hard for me to open the internet..its being gay! Yesterday was a somewhat satisfactory effort on my behalf. I didnt eat as much i usually did, except the major let down in my day was ate 9pm i decided to stay back and play a game of pool/snooker with a few work mates and a couple of locals...should have just gone home and starved the rest of the night until i slept, but no couldnt help my little fingers reaching into a small packet of peanuts...just as i ate a couple of peanuts a girl charlene who used to work with me was really drunk and yelled across the bar "kristin are you pregnant" i had the biggest suprised ( =O ) and most disgusted look ive had on my face, i was really offended, i turned around and said " no, do i look it" and shes like "nah someone just told me you were" and i was like get fucked you fat bitch ( thats what i said under my breath lol) . she was probly trying to have a dig becuase her boyfriend was chatting to me all night, and she looked like a feral pig that just came of a farm..she is like a man, i decided not to fire up, becuase im so used to being picked on i take on anyone and abuse the shit out of them...but decided against it thinking i might get bashed by her.. so i decided to walk outside and have a icey water and another bush pig starts on me..shes like "is that a long singlet or a dress, cos i cant tell" and im like "its a dress" shes like it looks to small to be a dress it must be a shirt..im like watever just cos you have to hide your muffin top with a baggy shirt. fuck i hate girls in this town, all stupid fat moles who think they own the joint. Lucky carlos came, he is like my bodygaurd slash pretend older brother..no one picks a fight with him cos his a boxer and would crack them in the face. i wish i had the strength to do it, but since im feeling so weak i dont think i should be picking fights with fat bush turkeys. lol. the sooner i get out of this town the better, i am surrounded by a sea of fat people. where all the skinny people at,lol?!?

im still fat.im still fat.im still fat.im still fat.im still fat.im still fat.im still fat.

im still fat.im still fat.im still fat.im still fat.im still fat.im still fat.im still fat. :(

Anyway, gotta survive this weekend! (from food) i have 2 partys in the same night, but i have to work, so hopefully by the time i get there the food will be gone and everyone will be so drunk they wont ask me to have a drink. My best friend porscha dosnt drink and im so glad, she is on a fitness hype like me, but she dosnt know that im devolping an ED, or i could already have one. I dread the day when she finds out cos she is gonna slap me out of this world..and its gonna leave a mark! lol. but i can hide it abit longer im hoping. So these partys are both dress ups, and the first one im going to is a 70's theme, where i have a long blonde wig and a yellow sequin dress, i will have to stop eating at 5pm if i want to have a flatter stomach, cos the dress is very figure hugging =S but hopefully im gonna dance some calories of there..hehe. and the second is a 21st, which is a alice in wonderland theme, im going as the queen of hearts :P im hella excited. If i was like lindsay lohan i would have a small body and a big head, which would match my character fine lolol.

ill blog in my intake tommorw, ill see what the day holds for me, i have a rough idea of what im going to eat...not much!!

stay thin & beautiful my pretties!!

x

Boss Read My Blog?? Ooops!!

Aghhhhhhhh! So i have noticed that every night at 7:30pm i get this thing where im this savage beast who is hungry and i want to eat so bad..but i was good i just had a tea, cos warm water supresses the appetite..and i seemed to be okay until 8:30pm...i finish work at 9pm so working with food through these times makes it so much harder for me, but easier to just walk into the fridge and get a snack. Im proud of myself i didnt go into the evil home of food. There is the peice of rocky road just staring at me all day, i picked it up, put it back..picked it up again..and thought nope..im not eating that. I swear the other guy at work just cut it and put it there to torture me, cos he knows its my weakness!

Wait, i have to throw this in; i had the best fuck last night! wooo0ooo0ooo! I think i am a sex addict..and thats probly not a lie, everyone at work sais my mind is always on the pepperoni. But if it helps burns the calories, its a double bounus!! ++

Alright so ive had some progress, its been fast and i need to keep working at it or ill stack it back on but ive managed to loose 2.6kgs this week,yay for me! But being me, that is never good enough so ill thrash myself at the gym with porscha...im really loving the x-trainer and leg press..i dont wanna end up like a sicko with muscly legs though, nice thin toned ones is what i prefer!

Alright since im on my blogger like everyday im totally obsessed. i just had to check it at work, and left it up on the screen, my boss came out of the office and looked at me funny...i talk about him on here all the time so hopefully he didnt read it cos i been calling him fat lol. oh well ooops! he shouldnt of read it! his still fat btw. just lettin you all know hahah.

I know its only thursday, but in my town the local "skank patrol" roam the streets cos its late night shopping and thirsty thursday...which means everyone is out at night partying/shopping. In my town the partying starts on a thursday and ends on sunday night,also there is lots of people with lots of money and they have nothing to spend it on except for alchol,sex or clothes. My dad dropped in a suprise visit yesterday and is only here for 1 day and leaves the next morning, i am lucky to see my dad maybe 2-3 times a year...i hardly ever see him, to see him means alot to me, but thank god he is a health freak he will understand if i dont eat much at dinner, it makes it so much easier for me to have dinner with...plus i wont have to put up with those stupid hunger pains! And since its been raining the last few days, its making me more hungrier and sleepier...fuck you global warming, your fucking up ana!

Intake plan for today:

b: muesli w. skim milk

l: 2 x wheat crips w. tuna & tomato,lettuce

s: frozen yoghurt with 2 chopped strawberries ( i have this like everyday becuase it curves the sugar cravings!) 1 x wheatbix w. skim milk

d: -

Anyway i have to hit the gym, talk to you soon my little pretties!! love you all!

Ill dedicate a post just to thinspo soon!!

x

Still fat today, thinner tommorow im hoping ;)

Okay wow, look how healthy, happy and skinny that girl is at the top, i want to be like that!! & a howdy doo to my new followers :D It gives me so much inspiration & motivation when i get new followers! ;D If theres something i else i love just as much as loosing weight, its my products for my face & fashion! Since porshca called up and said she got called into work, i canned working out *sigh* even though i know i shouldnt have, cos i really need to work off those thunder thighs and handles bars on my hips, i decided to go buy some products for my face..the best thing that has worked for me so far is this product called "clean start" by dermologica, i tried a sample the other day which i got from girlfriend magazine(lol shame)and it is like sex on my face..haha its that good!! If it dosnt work for ya, that sucks, but its just cleared my face up and made it look clean and fresh!

The gym i go to sell this, so i technically did go to the gym but not to work off my fat, so im gonna have to work extra hard tommorow!..im so fat! ughh! fatty fatty fatty. I take pride in how i look (unfortunatly my body isnt up with the times) and found that if i fuss around with beauty products i forget about eating...I still think that even though im not eating as much as i was, i should take care of myself in other ways, if you look healthy than no one can say you look dull and need to eat..its just alot easier to hide from people if your looking healthy on the outside...its all about tricking people. its like a game to me. i have to win, and what i will win at the end is thiness and beauty, then ill be just the way i want to be.

Heres a few things i do to stop eating & to look after myself:

-give my self a mani/pedi

-have extra long shower and scrub myself pretty

- wax my legs, moisturise

- take womens multi-vitamins, fish oil tablets

-pluck my eyebrows

-clean; fold all my clothes,change sheets every week,washing,vacuum

- i carry a photo of the body i want in my wallet when i want to buy food from the shops so it stops me from buying a bad choice

- stare at my body in the mirror when i think about binging

- brushing my teeth constantly makes food taste gross when i go to eat it whos laughing now, stupid calories!)

Gross!

- watch jerry springer, seeing all those fat feral people makes me feel good about myself and makes me not eat food! LOL

If you got any tips comment me & tell me yours ;) it all helps us out!!
Okay love you long timeeeeeee my skinny minis!
x

Scales,i hate the figure you show

Okay, so i managed to get out of hosting a bbq last night.. but then i get invited to one...and the voice in my head sais "No0oooooo00oo0o!" I mean im not really an anti social person, i love going to see people..but bbqs...seriosuly watching them cook the meat with all the fat dripping off and everything is oil covered or marinated. yuck! I only went becuase it was my friends krystals 24th bday..but there was food everywhere and people were stuffing there mouths with bread rolls with fatty sausages and sqeezing an excessive amount of tomato sauce on top..i just couldnt bare it. I was going to be sick with the sight alone. I stayed strong..well atleast until she bought some cheese and crackers out, i thought i better not look to sqaure, and eat a couple, i didnt binge though i managed to control myself.. but this is exactly why i hate these kind of things, cos i know i will give in, even though i had already consummed by daily calories. grrrrrrrrrrrrr. annoyed at myself...and i never eat past 7pm so the food probly hasnt even digested, hence why i have a bloated stomach today :( damm! double damm! While i was in krystals bathroom i couldnt help but notice the scales, just sitting on the floor looking at me. wtf..i was talking to myself asking myself should i see..or not..? fuck it, ill look anyway..wasnt happy with the numbers..but i usually weigh myself in the morning, so hopefully it will be nicer to me today ;)

On new years i broke 6 ribs, and with all the pain it caused me, it actually gave me an exuse not to eat..although i wish i was abit more stricter on myself then...it could of helped me alot now ..but dont go out and break your ribs, it fucking hurts like a mofo! you cant sneeze,cough,laugh..and hic-cups are hell itself! it fucked me for 6-8 weeks..and i kept re-breaking them..by accident..i hit a metal tray into my ribs at work, just when they were starting to heal..but i must say i enjoyed the time off, i would go out to the local beer garden and sit with my friends in the sun......You may be wondering how i broke my ribs? ..well its called being drunk, sitting on a water bed next to a pool with about 20 people crammed on..and some idiot jumps out of the pool and onto the bed, and i was on the edge and i went flying and landed on a brick that was in the shape of a triangle standing up and CRACK!..that fucken tickled abit, shit :(

..another reason why i dont like to drink is becuase even though it hurt, i was so overly drunk i didnt notice i actually broke them until the next day. thank god i dont drink anymore, i do not miss the injuries.

Anyways.....time to plan meals for the day:

b: 1 wholemeal slice of bread w. 1 poached egg

l: 2 vita wheat crackers w. spinach,low fat cheese,tomato,thin slice of ham

s: frozen yoghurt,low cal jelly

d: -

Much needed thinspo:

Leave me comments i always reply cos i love you my little skinnies!!

stay thin & strong!
xx

My love handles are showing..yuck! :(

Woke up, and cleaned the kitchen and was just cleaning the whole house erractically to try and hold off the food craving, but since it was brekky i decided i should eat something to get my body awake and going...i just had a slice of wholmeal bread with a tiny bit of butter & vegemite with half a glass of skim milk. - not so bad.
Im still feeling very fat! i guess i just wont eat for the rest of the day. My boyfriend wanted to have a bbq, but i begged him no too becuase i dont think i could handle people asking me why im only eating lettuce, when they are used to me pigging out. Im not up for covering it up today.

Just looked in the mirror and i can see my love handles :( fuck. gross. ew.

i am fat. i am fat. i am fat. i am fat i am fat. i am fat.
i am fat. i am fat. i am fat. i am fat. i am fat. i am fat.
i am fat. i am fat. i am fat. i am fat. i am fat. i am fat.

So i offically dont do drugs, smoke or drink anymore. I used to be out of control drinking myself stupid. I quit after this one night, that im about to explain: one night while i was at work, i had had enough of people harrasing me, and i was over working 3 weeks straight so i went to the bar and got 10 bottles of double black smirnoff and drank it in the coolroom at work..not a good idea when the kitchen is open and the customers can see that you are off your face..slurring your words and dropping the food everywhere. I then asked a girl at work if she had any pills or drugs..she gave me cocaine.. i went into the toilet and snorted 3 lines in a row.. this was a first time for me, and i was off chop! I got that bad i couldnt even finish my shift and rolled down the ramp and could not walk at all.. i literally could not walk, i tripped over my foot and hit my face on the concrete and had gravel rash on one side of my face and big bruises. One of the regular customers jarrad walked past me, seen me and had to carry me over his shoulder and take me home. ( felt so bad he had to carry a whale over his shoulder =s ) I got home and threw up in the dorrway, tripped over the coffee table and threw up again, i have never seen my boyfriend so angry in all my life. Im glad he had a bad re-action it actually gave me the motivation to quit everything that was doing me harm... but now i have given that up, i have taken up a ED now. maybe i enjoy inflicting pain on myself. only a few months ago i got very depressed and thought about commiting suicide...on the outside i look like a happy healthy person, i am not some one who would be classified as an emo, i am very girly and love fashion and music..but i cant help but feel like something is missing in my life, and i cry and cry at night ...and i think alot of my problems come from not being skinny enough. i feel sorry for my boyfriend having to put up with my mood swings becuase of my body image issues, it makes me so insecure.

So theres a little bit about me. Heres some more songs i like to listen to..you might not like them but i enjoy them..so maybe you could too.I know its strange but it helps to supress my appetite if im listening to music and helps me become more closer to my goals.. not all of them are about being ana, some are just good to listen to:

falling down - atreyu
everlong - foo fighters
fader - the temper trap
faint - linkin park
follow me - breaking benjamin
gravity - the superjesus
in these hands - the butterfly effect
beautiful - christina aguilera
pain - the used
with me tonight - the used
broken strings - james morrison ft nelly furtado
dont let me get me - pink!
! song formerly known as - regurgitator
3 words - cheryl cole ft wll.i.am
insomnia- craig david
get you home - shwayze
riding solo & in my head - jason derulo
im not okay - my chemical romance
hot like fire - savage ft rock city'
semi charmed life - third eye blind
burn for youn - toby mac
omg - usher ft will.i.am


leave me a comment, i love you all <3
keep thin & beautiful my lovlies
xx

A fat moment D;

Ugghhhh..! fat moment. just finished going to the gym with carlos, and because i havnt been for a little while cos of my sore ovary, i felt like a peice of shit being thrown around on the machines..the really good thing about the gym i go to,is that it has tvs playing music videos all day and there is also fashion tv so i always have some thinspo when im gyming it... BUT after, me & carlos went up town and i saw this stupid bitch taylah, which i cant fucking stand and she seen me in my gym clothes with all my fat hanging out, and she was all dolled up...and if that wasnt bad enough i run into the other girl whitney that i REALLY hate cos she wanted to bash me cos her boyfriend was being a absolute sleeze bag and trying to pick me up in subway..omfg...so great..2 people i cant fucking stand just happen to see me and they see me at my worst, why does this always happen to me...!!..the world is cruel, or maybe i should have just stayed in the car..but noooo.

when i get thin and skinny i will rub it in there face so bad....also, to my satisfaction they have put alot of weight on from going out drinking every thurs,fri,sat & sun..alcohol is pretty fattening. There is nothing more enjoyable than seeing the popular girls or the ones you really dont like put weight on. lol lol lol!!! idiots..haha!

anyways im off, i ended up getting called into work, oh well nothing more better than watching the fattys at work eating, while im fasting for hours at a time
stay thin & strong my pretties
xx