pictures,louder than words.

I just felt like posting lots of pictures today, i need to look at some thinspo pics. i think im just going to go eat 400 cals. sitting in the car this morning, see this chick who used to really fat, looking like a twig..and i got depressed..i had to backwards glance to make sure it was her..i was so shocked. she looked really good, and her clothes look so much btter on her..she has no muffin top or an apple in her pants. grrrrrrr. seeing shit like that makes me hell jelous & fuckin annoyed; becuase im not like that yet. but at the same time motivates me more to wanna loose weight. i realised that i dont have a full length mirror in the house..ive always been okay with the top of my body, but maybe i was an-aware that i delibratly havnt bought one for that reason, i probly cant stand looking at my fat legs,love handles and butt. i think im gonna buy one...one of my friends sais she looks at her self in her full length mirror for 4 hours a day...ive been in her house and she has the mirror in her kitchen & one down her hallway..i spose thats a good idea, you look at yourself eat and get repulsed..and you cant run away cos your always looking at yourself. She has body dis-morphic disorder, or i thinkk thats what its called, what she was describing kinda sounds alot like the things i do & think but maybe im just in denial or and just really screwed up and confused..who fuckin knows?!

I bought a measuring tape and a pedometer..to take my measurements to see if anything is actually happening..i know i need to go to the gym about 5 times a week..im only going like 2 a the moment, poor effort i know. ;(

but ive been to a shrink a few years ago and there more fucked up than me...they twist shit around and make you sound like a weirdo, when all you do is think differently to them and what they consider "normal"..not really intrested in what they have to say anyway id rather spend money on nice clothes or a personal trainer lol.

wel im off to get ready to work..uggghhh i dont wanna go i just wanna stay inside all day and read more blogs..im almost tempted to pull a sickie haha.

stay thin pretties

x

Desperate for thinspo..!!

i dont wanna end up like this^

hmmm, not so sexy...!?!? :/

Kayyyy i wrote a hella awesome post and then my laptop battery died! && it didnt auto save nooooooooo0o0o0o00o dammiit! Anyway, went out clubbin last night and had a blast! I didnt have one drink at all i just drank water all night, people though ti was drinking vodka or something though lol. It was a pretty good night, but me and my twisted little girl mind always gets in the way..i saw lots of thin skinny girls last night, and i get angry cos i want to be like that..whats worse is i see all the girls from school aswell, i cant stand most of them. bitchfaces... ;(;( But soon got over it when i was carvin' up the dancefloor like a freak! ; But when i got home, took off my makeup and washed my face and let my hair down, i looked up into the mirror and i started having little tears come out.. i just was staring at myself...(*reminded me of a scene from the movie thirteen, gotta watch that btw* top movie) ..and it wasnt becuase i was sad, i just wish that i didnt have to battle my weight everyday, i hate it..i wish i could just make it dis-appear...i know that i didnt get fat overnight, and i know im not going to get thin overnight either..somedays its just so hard..i try to keep positive that i will loose the weight..but i have fat days, where i feel like it dosnt matter what i eat becuase i will always be fat no matter what..and other days i am so motivated to be skinny. i really need to straighten myself out! I almost feel like im not worthy of being with my boyfriend, he really deserves a skinny girlfriend who is happy with herself..and i put him through so much shit..i guess i never really felt good enough for anyone anyway.. i try not to push him away when i feel the way i do..and none of it is even his fault its just me being insecure.

Well tommorow night is me and my boyfriends 4 year anniversary!! He said his gonna take me out for dinner, i suppose ill eat, but low fat of course! whooo, i cant belive it has been 4 years already. wow. ill put a picture of my amazing boyfriend up on here (he'd probly kill me if he knew i did this,lol) i love him bulk ♥♥♥!!!

what a spunk!! ^^

Anyways, im probly gonna be a big hermit and live on blogger this week, im trying to stay at home so i dont spend money or go out and have lunch dates with friends, and eat un-neccasary calories. I weighted myself, still no change but that is a good thing i suppose from all the shit i have been eating in the last couple of days. i ate a whole block of chocolate..to myself :S geeez, that is not going to help my wobbly bum and legs :S:S

Heres some thoughts i came across in my mind this morning:

~ nice clothes only look good on skinny people

~ girls will hate each other for no reason at all

~ my life would be so much easier if i was thin

~ i made myself fat from lifting my hand to my mouth

~ i need to be on my blog to help myself with my eating

~ need to re-asses my controlled eating plan

~ sex during day light makes me nervous & worried about how my body looks to him

Anyways im off to draw myself up a new eating plan, ill post it up on here when im finished with it. Anyways everyone tell me how your all coping with your ED or just say anything really, id love to hear from you all my pretties♥

kristin

xx

Just some inspiration "]

Heres some reverse & thinspo ;D enjoy my pretties x

Scales,i hate the figure you show

Okay, so i managed to get out of hosting a bbq last night.. but then i get invited to one...and the voice in my head sais "No0oooooo00oo0o!" I mean im not really an anti social person, i love going to see people..but bbqs...seriosuly watching them cook the meat with all the fat dripping off and everything is oil covered or marinated. yuck! I only went becuase it was my friends krystals 24th bday..but there was food everywhere and people were stuffing there mouths with bread rolls with fatty sausages and sqeezing an excessive amount of tomato sauce on top..i just couldnt bare it. I was going to be sick with the sight alone. I stayed strong..well atleast until she bought some cheese and crackers out, i thought i better not look to sqaure, and eat a couple, i didnt binge though i managed to control myself.. but this is exactly why i hate these kind of things, cos i know i will give in, even though i had already consummed by daily calories. grrrrrrrrrrrrr. annoyed at myself...and i never eat past 7pm so the food probly hasnt even digested, hence why i have a bloated stomach today :( damm! double damm! While i was in krystals bathroom i couldnt help but notice the scales, just sitting on the floor looking at me. wtf..i was talking to myself asking myself should i see..or not..? fuck it, ill look anyway..wasnt happy with the numbers..but i usually weigh myself in the morning, so hopefully it will be nicer to me today ;)

On new years i broke 6 ribs, and with all the pain it caused me, it actually gave me an exuse not to eat..although i wish i was abit more stricter on myself then...it could of helped me alot now ..but dont go out and break your ribs, it fucking hurts like a mofo! you cant sneeze,cough,laugh..and hic-cups are hell itself! it fucked me for 6-8 weeks..and i kept re-breaking them..by accident..i hit a metal tray into my ribs at work, just when they were starting to heal..but i must say i enjoyed the time off, i would go out to the local beer garden and sit with my friends in the sun......You may be wondering how i broke my ribs? ..well its called being drunk, sitting on a water bed next to a pool with about 20 people crammed on..and some idiot jumps out of the pool and onto the bed, and i was on the edge and i went flying and landed on a brick that was in the shape of a triangle standing up and CRACK!..that fucken tickled abit, shit :(

..another reason why i dont like to drink is becuase even though it hurt, i was so overly drunk i didnt notice i actually broke them until the next day. thank god i dont drink anymore, i do not miss the injuries.

Anyways.....time to plan meals for the day:

b: 1 wholemeal slice of bread w. 1 poached egg

l: 2 vita wheat crackers w. spinach,low fat cheese,tomato,thin slice of ham

s: frozen yoghurt,low cal jelly

d: -

Much needed thinspo:

Leave me comments i always reply cos i love you my little skinnies!!

stay thin & strong!
xx

iPod Tunes For Ana

There you go some thinspo pics. Im in need today, as im having cravings! I hate food, it tricks you into eating it, and makes you think that your hungry.

Okay so went to the gym and i ate yoghurt before i went thinking if i eat i will just loose the calories..but actually the whole time i felt sick like i was going to purge and i got a stitch in my stomach and i had to stop. Oh well, it looks like im in for a lot of nanny naps to curve the cravings for food.

Here's some songs to put on your ipod, they remind me about ana, and eating. even though the words to the songs are about something else, i think that they are about eating, here they are:

Away- breaking benjamin

What lies beneath - breaking benjamin

I dont wanna be - gavin degraw

Halfway gone - lifehouse

I made it - kevin rudolf

Calling all skeletons - the alkaline trio

Broken Bones - birds of tokyo

Silhouettics - birds of tokyo

Fuck it - seether

Open fire (anas song) - silverchair

Heres some good music just to dance to while your at home, anything that burns calories is good,right??

Break your heart- Taio cruz

Burn it to the ground - nickelback

Give it all you got - Lil jon ft kree

Give it up to me - shakira ft lil wayne

Hatin on the club - rihanna

Just say so - brian mcfadden

Lets get crazy ( party rock mix)- cassie ft akon

Naturally- selena gomez *i love this song!! gets me movin!

Memories - david guetta ft kid cudi

World goes on - david guetta ft bruno mars ** i lovvvvvvvvve this song so much!!

Snakeskin- gyroscope

If you download these let me know if you liked them and ill put up some more, cos i have so much music..i like to curl in bed listening to my ipod when im feeling hungry.

Intake:

b: bacon & egg mcmuffin - 300 cals

l: yoghurt -92 cals

s: wildberry jols 5 cals

d: -

d: big mob of water ;)

Total: 397cals ( and im feeling the pressure of wanting to eat, but im gonna keep thin and not eat anymore im more than happy than that for an intake today!