Changerooms,Kilo's,Sex & Caffeine ;)

Sorry my pretties, i have been away for a little bit i have had an incredibly busy week!! Heloooooo to my new followers =D ♥ OHHH and that chick up the top is hella pretty! Well i have lost another KG! Im happy, but as always want more to go heheh. Okay lets start off with when i went shopping with porscha on saturday... I dread changerooms, simply becuase when i try on clothes and they do not fit & cannot fit i get all flustered and i get annoyed... and i look in the changeroom mirror and get so angry at myself for not being able to fit into them. I am a size 8 at the top and size 10 in pants, and i fucking hate it when i want a nice pair of pants that dont fit me and thats the only size they carry in the shop!! ;( bugger. one day i wont have that problem. My chef pants are looking pretty baggy at the moment though, a few of the customers have noticed that they look over sized..but i just say all chef pants look daggy so i get away without leaving them sus of my eating habbits.

Had sexy time this morning, woop! bet you all wanted to know that! but when im on top i have this thing in the back on my mind thinking, fuck i feel like im sqaushing him..but i guess the sex is so good so i forget..but after i think hmm..if only i was 10 more kilos lighter.

Well the german chick at our work left, she was awesome, a few days before she left she was telling me about these caffeine tablets called hydroxycut..and as she was giving me a hug goodbye she pulled out a tampon packet and i was like "what the hell???" 'she is giving me a tampon' lol..and she pulled out these 2 tablets and put them in my hand...and i put them in my pocket before my boss saw. She said they help prevent appetite and loose weight and increse your metobolism. I took one at 1pm yesterday and i felt like i had a headache, and didnt really feel anything..i suppose it was only one tablet though. took the second one at 5pm and about 6pm i was bouncing off the walls like a jumping jelly bean, i had eyes like frypans and i looked in the mirror and they were really bloodshot..but i felt really happy i was zinging around and i was soo happy haha...i actually had a blast, i had so much energy; i was extra chatty and it was like i was egging people on to be happy and it just spread lol. sounds like im a stoner right about now, dosnt it? But i noticed that my metobolism was running a muck i had to go to the toilet so much, but i was drinking a shitload of water and i was pissing like a racehorse. i should have just lived in the toilet for the last part of my shift lol.

I wouldnt reccomend going on them though i woke up this morning and i was still pinging so to get rid of the extra energy i went for a walk., (only burnt like 80 cals according to my ipod haha) but i read on the internet they can give you liver damage & shit. Also being caffeine i thought i would have had problems with my sleep but i had a great sleep...but i guess after long term use, it would fuck you up pretty bad i suppose. so maybe ill just take a couple every now and then..just before the weekend so i feel all spazzy & happy =D

Alrighty intake for the day:
b: wholemeal toast w. butter & vegemite & 250 ml cup of orange juice (lets say 250 cals)
s: mint chocolate ice cream (300 cals) - badddd! but i guess ill treat myself once this week. i eat sugary stuff before 3pm as a rule.
l: garden salad with chicken,tomato,cucumber (150 cals)
d: - nothinnn. i dont eat after 6pm.

Leave me comments, i love you's. ♥♥
xx

Just some inspiration "]

Heres some reverse & thinspo ;D enjoy my pretties x

Surviving The Weekend ;o

A good way to start the day, with a lil bit of thinspo ;D Awwwft :( my computer has this thing where this warning pops up and its hard for me to open the internet..its being gay! Yesterday was a somewhat satisfactory effort on my behalf. I didnt eat as much i usually did, except the major let down in my day was ate 9pm i decided to stay back and play a game of pool/snooker with a few work mates and a couple of locals...should have just gone home and starved the rest of the night until i slept, but no couldnt help my little fingers reaching into a small packet of peanuts...just as i ate a couple of peanuts a girl charlene who used to work with me was really drunk and yelled across the bar "kristin are you pregnant" i had the biggest suprised ( =O ) and most disgusted look ive had on my face, i was really offended, i turned around and said " no, do i look it" and shes like "nah someone just told me you were" and i was like get fucked you fat bitch ( thats what i said under my breath lol) . she was probly trying to have a dig becuase her boyfriend was chatting to me all night, and she looked like a feral pig that just came of a farm..she is like a man, i decided not to fire up, becuase im so used to being picked on i take on anyone and abuse the shit out of them...but decided against it thinking i might get bashed by her.. so i decided to walk outside and have a icey water and another bush pig starts on me..shes like "is that a long singlet or a dress, cos i cant tell" and im like "its a dress" shes like it looks to small to be a dress it must be a shirt..im like watever just cos you have to hide your muffin top with a baggy shirt. fuck i hate girls in this town, all stupid fat moles who think they own the joint. Lucky carlos came, he is like my bodygaurd slash pretend older brother..no one picks a fight with him cos his a boxer and would crack them in the face. i wish i had the strength to do it, but since im feeling so weak i dont think i should be picking fights with fat bush turkeys. lol. the sooner i get out of this town the better, i am surrounded by a sea of fat people. where all the skinny people at,lol?!?

im still fat.im still fat.im still fat.im still fat.im still fat.im still fat.im still fat.

im still fat.im still fat.im still fat.im still fat.im still fat.im still fat.im still fat. :(

Anyway, gotta survive this weekend! (from food) i have 2 partys in the same night, but i have to work, so hopefully by the time i get there the food will be gone and everyone will be so drunk they wont ask me to have a drink. My best friend porscha dosnt drink and im so glad, she is on a fitness hype like me, but she dosnt know that im devolping an ED, or i could already have one. I dread the day when she finds out cos she is gonna slap me out of this world..and its gonna leave a mark! lol. but i can hide it abit longer im hoping. So these partys are both dress ups, and the first one im going to is a 70's theme, where i have a long blonde wig and a yellow sequin dress, i will have to stop eating at 5pm if i want to have a flatter stomach, cos the dress is very figure hugging =S but hopefully im gonna dance some calories of there..hehe. and the second is a 21st, which is a alice in wonderland theme, im going as the queen of hearts :P im hella excited. If i was like lindsay lohan i would have a small body and a big head, which would match my character fine lolol.

ill blog in my intake tommorw, ill see what the day holds for me, i have a rough idea of what im going to eat...not much!!

stay thin & beautiful my pretties!!

x

In No Mood For Food

Fuck, i feel like that fat chick just there...i ate like 2 small plates of spaghetti bolognaise last night AND a chocolate milkshake, it had skim milk in it but still.. FUCK!..Noooooo0o0o0o0oo! Why did i give into myself?? i have to be extra strict on my calorie intake today becuase im feeling the fatness big time!!. I wish i was like those skinny girls, they look so much happier and beautiful than a fat huge pig...theres a song called "big girl you are beautiful" by mica but trust me, most people screw up there faces when they see a fat person, like it hurts their eyes to look at it. I dont want that to happen to me anymore...i can feel people staring at me when im wearing shorts or a skirt, and im so self conscious that they are staring at my fat so i run away into the bathroom and stare at myself.

Do you know whats even worse, i hate it when this guy at work sais, "gee what a fat ass you have" and i give him the most evilest look i have known to my facial expressions. Like im not as fat as the rest of people i work with im thin compared to them but they give me so much shit, which just makes me more detrmined to loose more weight. I hate it when people give you shit and say your fat, and when you loose lots of weight they say your getting way too skinny. wtf, make up your mind already. It dosnt matter what they say i know im fat and im going to loose more weight. I have to prove that i can be skinny. I went and bought these hot bikinis that are like a size too small for me, so im hoping that ive lost enough weight by august that i can comfortably fit into them, im going to try them on every week to see if i have any progress. Heres a picture where im going to:

And heres a picture of what all the girls look like over there:

Can you see my concern?!..this is why i need to have a good body before i go on holiday!!

Went walking up town last night and saw all these little 14 yr old chicks wearing short shorts, there so short they look like underwear..despite them being like skinny bean poles and i know there only like 14 but i was so jealous, i want to wear shorts like that too :(

Alrighty daily intake:

b: 1 weetbix w skim milk

l: small plate of lettuce,tomato,cucumber and riccota cheese

s: frozen yoghurt with blueberries and strawberries

d: - nothing!!

im being extra mean on myself today to loose those extra calories that i put on yesterday, going to go slam myself at them gym. I need to have more ana thoughts today, that is my goal ;)

Love you my little pretties

leave me comments cos i love yoooooh!
x

Boss Read My Blog?? Ooops!!

Aghhhhhhhh! So i have noticed that every night at 7:30pm i get this thing where im this savage beast who is hungry and i want to eat so bad..but i was good i just had a tea, cos warm water supresses the appetite..and i seemed to be okay until 8:30pm...i finish work at 9pm so working with food through these times makes it so much harder for me, but easier to just walk into the fridge and get a snack. Im proud of myself i didnt go into the evil home of food. There is the peice of rocky road just staring at me all day, i picked it up, put it back..picked it up again..and thought nope..im not eating that. I swear the other guy at work just cut it and put it there to torture me, cos he knows its my weakness!

Wait, i have to throw this in; i had the best fuck last night! wooo0ooo0ooo! I think i am a sex addict..and thats probly not a lie, everyone at work sais my mind is always on the pepperoni. But if it helps burns the calories, its a double bounus!! ++

Alright so ive had some progress, its been fast and i need to keep working at it or ill stack it back on but ive managed to loose 2.6kgs this week,yay for me! But being me, that is never good enough so ill thrash myself at the gym with porscha...im really loving the x-trainer and leg press..i dont wanna end up like a sicko with muscly legs though, nice thin toned ones is what i prefer!

Alright since im on my blogger like everyday im totally obsessed. i just had to check it at work, and left it up on the screen, my boss came out of the office and looked at me funny...i talk about him on here all the time so hopefully he didnt read it cos i been calling him fat lol. oh well ooops! he shouldnt of read it! his still fat btw. just lettin you all know hahah.

I know its only thursday, but in my town the local "skank patrol" roam the streets cos its late night shopping and thirsty thursday...which means everyone is out at night partying/shopping. In my town the partying starts on a thursday and ends on sunday night,also there is lots of people with lots of money and they have nothing to spend it on except for alchol,sex or clothes. My dad dropped in a suprise visit yesterday and is only here for 1 day and leaves the next morning, i am lucky to see my dad maybe 2-3 times a year...i hardly ever see him, to see him means alot to me, but thank god he is a health freak he will understand if i dont eat much at dinner, it makes it so much easier for me to have dinner with...plus i wont have to put up with those stupid hunger pains! And since its been raining the last few days, its making me more hungrier and sleepier...fuck you global warming, your fucking up ana!

Intake plan for today:

b: muesli w. skim milk

l: 2 x wheat crips w. tuna & tomato,lettuce

s: frozen yoghurt with 2 chopped strawberries ( i have this like everyday becuase it curves the sugar cravings!) 1 x wheatbix w. skim milk

d: -

Anyway i have to hit the gym, talk to you soon my little pretties!! love you all!

Ill dedicate a post just to thinspo soon!!

x

My love handles are showing..yuck! :(

Woke up, and cleaned the kitchen and was just cleaning the whole house erractically to try and hold off the food craving, but since it was brekky i decided i should eat something to get my body awake and going...i just had a slice of wholmeal bread with a tiny bit of butter & vegemite with half a glass of skim milk. - not so bad.
Im still feeling very fat! i guess i just wont eat for the rest of the day. My boyfriend wanted to have a bbq, but i begged him no too becuase i dont think i could handle people asking me why im only eating lettuce, when they are used to me pigging out. Im not up for covering it up today.

Just looked in the mirror and i can see my love handles :( fuck. gross. ew.

i am fat. i am fat. i am fat. i am fat i am fat. i am fat.
i am fat. i am fat. i am fat. i am fat. i am fat. i am fat.
i am fat. i am fat. i am fat. i am fat. i am fat. i am fat.

So i offically dont do drugs, smoke or drink anymore. I used to be out of control drinking myself stupid. I quit after this one night, that im about to explain: one night while i was at work, i had had enough of people harrasing me, and i was over working 3 weeks straight so i went to the bar and got 10 bottles of double black smirnoff and drank it in the coolroom at work..not a good idea when the kitchen is open and the customers can see that you are off your face..slurring your words and dropping the food everywhere. I then asked a girl at work if she had any pills or drugs..she gave me cocaine.. i went into the toilet and snorted 3 lines in a row.. this was a first time for me, and i was off chop! I got that bad i couldnt even finish my shift and rolled down the ramp and could not walk at all.. i literally could not walk, i tripped over my foot and hit my face on the concrete and had gravel rash on one side of my face and big bruises. One of the regular customers jarrad walked past me, seen me and had to carry me over his shoulder and take me home. ( felt so bad he had to carry a whale over his shoulder =s ) I got home and threw up in the dorrway, tripped over the coffee table and threw up again, i have never seen my boyfriend so angry in all my life. Im glad he had a bad re-action it actually gave me the motivation to quit everything that was doing me harm... but now i have given that up, i have taken up a ED now. maybe i enjoy inflicting pain on myself. only a few months ago i got very depressed and thought about commiting suicide...on the outside i look like a happy healthy person, i am not some one who would be classified as an emo, i am very girly and love fashion and music..but i cant help but feel like something is missing in my life, and i cry and cry at night ...and i think alot of my problems come from not being skinny enough. i feel sorry for my boyfriend having to put up with my mood swings becuase of my body image issues, it makes me so insecure.

So theres a little bit about me. Heres some more songs i like to listen to..you might not like them but i enjoy them..so maybe you could too.I know its strange but it helps to supress my appetite if im listening to music and helps me become more closer to my goals.. not all of them are about being ana, some are just good to listen to:

falling down - atreyu
everlong - foo fighters
fader - the temper trap
faint - linkin park
follow me - breaking benjamin
gravity - the superjesus
in these hands - the butterfly effect
beautiful - christina aguilera
pain - the used
with me tonight - the used
broken strings - james morrison ft nelly furtado
dont let me get me - pink!
! song formerly known as - regurgitator
3 words - cheryl cole ft wll.i.am
insomnia- craig david
get you home - shwayze
riding solo & in my head - jason derulo
im not okay - my chemical romance
hot like fire - savage ft rock city'
semi charmed life - third eye blind
burn for youn - toby mac
omg - usher ft will.i.am


leave me a comment, i love you all <3
keep thin & beautiful my lovlies
xx

A fat moment D;

Ugghhhh..! fat moment. just finished going to the gym with carlos, and because i havnt been for a little while cos of my sore ovary, i felt like a peice of shit being thrown around on the machines..the really good thing about the gym i go to,is that it has tvs playing music videos all day and there is also fashion tv so i always have some thinspo when im gyming it... BUT after, me & carlos went up town and i saw this stupid bitch taylah, which i cant fucking stand and she seen me in my gym clothes with all my fat hanging out, and she was all dolled up...and if that wasnt bad enough i run into the other girl whitney that i REALLY hate cos she wanted to bash me cos her boyfriend was being a absolute sleeze bag and trying to pick me up in subway..omfg...so great..2 people i cant fucking stand just happen to see me and they see me at my worst, why does this always happen to me...!!..the world is cruel, or maybe i should have just stayed in the car..but noooo.

when i get thin and skinny i will rub it in there face so bad....also, to my satisfaction they have put alot of weight on from going out drinking every thurs,fri,sat & sun..alcohol is pretty fattening. There is nothing more enjoyable than seeing the popular girls or the ones you really dont like put weight on. lol lol lol!!! idiots..haha!

anyways im off, i ended up getting called into work, oh well nothing more better than watching the fattys at work eating, while im fasting for hours at a time
stay thin & strong my pretties
xx