Music for your eyes & ears :)

Helllooo my lovlies, so after my first post im getting back into this whole blog thing again,even changed the look of my blog :D

Soo0o im in melbourne at the moment,went shopping this morning..it was okay i suppose kinda had a win...most shopping trips end up with me almost in tears and mostly out of fustration becuase if it isnt the fake bubbly hot girls hitting on your boyfriend,its the fact that the sizes are so fucked up i cant find many things that properly fit me and it starts to get hot in the change rooms and it makes so0o0o0o0o0 ANGRY!..i might just be getting fatter but some times i can get into a 6 and other shops i cant even get into a size 12. its literally fucked!

Anyway im staying with my boyfriends family, just his 2 sisters live in this house..and his sister ashley who is 23 just totally shits me..she sounds like a boat foghorn and has no volume control of her voice and she just yells all day, its like shes stuck in permanent CAPS LOCK...when she was skinny a size 6 she was so quiete and really pretty and never said a word, now shes gained weight from pregnancy and has turned into a size 16 and shes just so fking loud,sometimes i wanna shoot her..good reverse inspo though..when i see her eating i just remind myself that i might end up like her and i put my food back down...she didnt just get fat becuase of pregnancy she just eats mcdonalds for every meal of the day and then wonders why her ass hangs out of her jeggings. geeesh.

Tonight i have mixed martial arts class on, and i went for a bike ride earlier and nearlly fell off into the street cos the seat was riding up my crouch it was make me wobble all over the place lol..it was hilarious..plus i was wearing stockings and i didnt want to rip them,instead id rather fall off the bike ( i have no idea where my logic comes from?)

But i also have a lot of catching up on glee and jerseylicious so im gonna stay up abit tonight.
Im really wanting to dye my hair,cos everytime i see a blonde chick i am so envious her there long blonde locks,i have long dark brown extensions in,kinda like the kim kardashian style but i just want blonde hair dammit! theres just something more feminine about blonde hair..not that im knocking brunettes becuase i am one,i just want to see if blondes do have more fun!

Today i ate:

b: 1 x wholemeal bread slice with 1 cup of hot baked beans

1xboost banana smoothie <<>

l: -
d: 1x small sushi wrap with tuna and advocado

drinks: 3 x 1L bottles iced water (helps burn calories)

I really need to get back into counting my calories,becuase its so out of wack right now. I used to be so educated about my calorie intake, but i let myself go. Evil evil food! And i feel so down for not having any self control for so long. Grrrrrr...its just so fustrating :(:( But i should think positive and pull myself out of bad eating habbits and get healthy :):):):)

Oh btw,heres some good songs to d/l im in love with these songs right now:

Pricetag- b.o.b feat jessie j

E.T. -katy perry

Rocketeer- far east movement

The show goes on- lupe fiasco

Take over control- Eva simmons

Invincible- Kelly rowland

Holy moly- Motorcade

Young blood- the naked & famous

Keep dancin on my own- robyn

The ballard of mona lisa- panic at the disco

Nieve- the kooks

So if you listen to any of these,let me know what ya think ;)

Or write your own down in the comment box,cos i always love hearing new stuff!

I'll put up some inspo up in my next post! pinky promise ;)

Talk to you soon my pretties!!

love you long timeesssssssssss xx

WOW, IM BACK!!!!!! 2011

OKayyyyy,so i know its been like forever since i wrote my last blog, and its even 2011..im sorry guys that its been so long..i just thought i should get back into my blog..ive changed abit,worse and for better...put more weight on becuase i just let myself go so i better snap back into it!!!!!! God, the worst thing about this whole sitch that im in, is that my boyfriend told me that my stomach was bigger than my boobs..which is horribly offending i was really hurt when he said that..i know im not as thin as i was when i was 16 when he met me and i look at photos and i wanna get down to 47kgs again..it just seems so hard somedays and i have gotten lazzzzzy as fuck and i started a new job where everyone is old and theres just no iinspo and im so bored i eat..and drink milo..

I guess what got me back into all this is was from wathcing the tv show "too fat for 15"
so you can expect to hear more from me ya'\ll :D:D:D im hell tired,i went from perth to sydney to melbourne and im FUCKED! exhausted and i have hayfever so FML right now and im fat,yay. talk soon my pretties xx

shennanigans & giggles ;;)

OOkay back ;D Well im not saying try this or anything but for the past few weeks ive just been eating twice a day and drink shitloads of coffee with skim milk and have dropped a few kgs. .the two things i eat is a breadroll with mayo,ham and tomato at 12 at lunch and drink a coffee after aswell.. and then around 5pm eat another breadroll with the exact same stuff and if im hungry that day a bowl of yoghurt. I kind of made this half ass diet up by myself if u cant tell lol.. it goes alright!! Oh and another thing with this, you must be getting plenty of sexy time hahah lol.

Anyways i have been going so far of the rails my train has a mind of its own... Had the best sunday ever!! When i was sposed to be going out for that walk, i got distracted and went and seen my friend kelly..ended up sitting in her bed listening to nirvana smoking cigs..it was kinda cool to just to chill.. ( i know, i started smoking again,wooopsies) ..anyway she got up n had a shower, then we drove around to her boyfriends mums house. ( her boyfriend used to be gay, but turned back straight) ..kinda confused me, but he is wicked cool and i love him to bits!!! Anyway didnt realise my old worst enemies were there to, but we made up a few weeks ago and its all sweet..i seriously had the best fuckin day in my life..the weather was hell nice, a little sunny with a warm wind..i layed on the trampoline smoking looking up at the sky thinking how fucking great my life is...and that song "wake me up when september ends" by greenday came on the radio...im probly going to relate that song to that day now... i sound like i live in a fantasy world wearing rose coloured glasses..oh well i appreciate the good little things in life...

So ended up playing this card game called "faggot" dunno if anyone has played that game but it sucks cos you get so smashed (especially if you dont understand the rules lol)..i was drunk at 1pm in the afternoon. lmao...had a few too many coronas! Ended up walking down to the footy oval where there was another town versing our home town..anyway getting to the point ended up this girls jess's place in her shed smoking weed...she has it all decked out with fairy lights and strobes with a big stereo...and there was about 10 of us sitting around a table smoking weed.. and its not like were all a bunch of feral druggies, there were some people i would have never guessed smoke weed cos they look so prim and proper..i guess you cant judge people by its cover,thats for sure!

my boyfriend came and saw me and he was like WTF, i thought he was going to kick my ass..but he was all cool with it once he was drunk lol..fuck it was a wicked day..cos of the weed we all started giggling, i had tears coming down my face from laughing so hard..then hell got the munhcies. FUCK..hahaha. i ate like 2 blocks of chocolate and 3 bags of chips. lucky im not a full time stoner! I had like 7 bongs in a row and i had been drinking all day and my boyfriend had a 6 pack of beer and ended up in the garden vomiting everywhere lol..i feel so hardcore right now haha..he threw up on my friends dogs head. it was sick, i almost hurled...the trip home was so bad, i had to drive back home which is half an hour away but it took me an hour cos i was driving so slow, i thought bushes were running into the side of the car..i think that was the weed making me trip out lol..but i counted 16 kangaroos on the way home and 6 rabbits..4 kangaroos ran infront of the car while i was driving, lucky i didnt hit one that could have been intresting.. a stoner and a guy who keeps throwing up, stuck out bush could have been funny... so wake up yesterday about 2pm and look down the side of the car and there is all vomit down the side..gross! my little baby car :( it was sooo worth it though. great night.

anyways that post was me just rambling about crap, sorry i put you guys throw that strange read. i just felg like talking about it hahah. hopefully my posts get more intresting one day.

love you long timeeeeeeeeeee. ♥

xx

ink & holes

Hey ya'll..havnt posted in frikken forever..i been working like a trojan with no break!. i havnt had any days off what-so-ever! So im fucking excited got 2 new tattoos yesterday and my lip peirced..i put some pics in here to have a squizzy..yes my face is white and pasty, i know this lol.

i have lots to talk about, but im gonna go get some sunshine and gor for a walk before i get stuck into blogging again or ill never leave my laptop lol!!

till then ciao ciao.

xx

:):):)

just at work, deleting my last post :P hmmmmmm got some heavy metal cranking in the itcehn at work. been good so far only eaten a bread roll with ham and tomato with mayo and a coffee. yay.

:) hair yo.

This is what i want my hair to turn out like when i go to the hairdressers today ;D

ooooh..i just wanna say im so friggen excited to get my hair done. we shall see if it turns out the same as what the picture!! ill be sure to post piccys xxx

jusst some thinspo ;) x

ED scrapbook,sex video & my first time :O

Ahh just what i need some early morning thinspo before i eat my brekky :):)

Just before i woke up today i had an idea that im going to start like a scrapbook..like an ED one. Cut pictures out and write about stuff and progress, i already have a book about keeping track of my weight but im going to put pictures of people i know in there so i can use them for motivation..espescially the chicks that i hate cos i wanna be skinnier than them.lolz. Yesterday while i was at work something triggered me wanting to go back to eating hardly anything...i just got a few comments like " i remember when i first met you, you were alot bigger and youve lost alot of weight" and "i remember when you couldnt fit into those pants" .. so hmm i must of been pretty big or people are lying to me. Im one of those real lazy people though i just want the easy way out and go to the bank and get a personal loan and get lipo.lol. if only it were that easy!! i need more $$$$$$$$$$ for that!

Ugggh i have to work almost 3 weeks straight, how fucking gay. But i get 4 days off next thursday and im just going to smash myself at the gym everyday. Theres this chick anita..i never really liked her cos of her attitude and she was just real feral at school but she was really gross and fat..and i seen her the other day and she dyed her hair blonde got hair extensions and has been working out, bought a whole new wardrobe and she looks fucking hot. Im hell jelous. I kinda stalk her on facebook, to see if she slips anything out about how she got her body..she just works out alot from all i can tell. her arms and legs are so toned. it annoys me alot :/

So one thing that comforts me is when people who come to our work who are really skinny stack on weight cos all they do is eat... theres this really pretty chick rachael and shes starting to put on weight, i mean she eats cake,ice cream, cheesecake and jelly..etc. and she was in the girls toilet the other day and shes like " i cant fit into my size 8 shorts anymore" i was thinking in my head "haha, no wonder you stacked on weight look what you eating!: i dont really like her that much probly cos im jelous..but ill be skinnier than her one day.soon i hope...

omfg, my libido yesterday was driving me fucking nuts all i wanted to do was have sex!!!!!..i think im a sex freak..and when i got home at 9pm i didnt even feel like it..for fuck sake! but woke up this morning and got some sexy time so i had a BIG smile on my face. Its a good way to start the day!! aswell as looking at thinspo :D

I have so much crap to write about its just been buliding up over the days :P

So this chick added me on facebook and her name was Terri..so i add her and then realise shes fucking the bloke who took my virginity...i didnt have a very "romantic" or even "pleasurable" first time...not like how people carry on about it in movies anyway...it was far from that.

So this is how it layed out for me::: :/ ..

I was a drunk 16 yr old girl at a party and went home with this bloke who seemed alright..he was 22 and it was probly the biggest mistake i made at the the time..but wouldnt change anything cos i met my boyfriend after this...So i go home with this guy Jeremy and we started kissing and feeling each other up..he turned off the light..but still was abit of light shinning through the window..im so glad he had condoms ( thats only credit ill give that dickhead)..when i went out that night i wasnt expecting to be having sex so i didnt prepare myself..

*I went through this phase when i was 16 i would wait for my parents to go to bed and spend an hour getting ready, doing my hair and makeup putting on nice clothes and then when i knew they were asleep for atleast an hour id ring a taxi and make sure id send it 4 houses down so when they pulled up in the driveway they wouldnt be shining the light in my parents window.. i was real sneaky,id take my parents bank card cos i knew there pin cos i had no $$$$$$$ at the time..and id sneak out the back door and leave it unlocked so i could just come back in after partying all night and slip back into bed..i got away with this for about 2 months..i came home at 4am almost everytime..but one day i came back at 9am..and my step dad locked the back door and i couldnt get back in..and i started freaking out!..so i grabbed some clothes of the washing line, changed, and grabbed some more clothes and knocked on the front door and i just said i was taking some washing in off the line and i got locked out lol..i got away with it!! yesssss. But i came back at 11am one morning cos i was starting to get cocky, and thats when mum knew i had been out all night cos she realised her bank card was gone..oooops!*

Soooo..back to my story.. while we were having sex he pushed me into a corner and he filmed me on his mobile having sex! (we were doing doggy) && i didnt even know he had his phone out..or i would have left straight away and slapped the fuckers face..anyway the whole time i was shaking out of control i was so nervous and cold.. he asked wtf was wrong with me and and i said 'im just really cold'..i stayed the night but it was freezing! it was winter and i didnt wanna cuddle him cos he smelt real bad of B.O and i all i had covering me was a sheet..i looked around his room and i knew he was a skater; but for a 22 yr old bloke it was kinda childish to have so much skater stuff in his room (maybe thats how he hooked in the chicks????)..i got up in the morning and i go to his bathroom and i look around and the house is really old and dirty and the mirror in the bathroom was chipped with dirt all over it and the taps on the sink didnt work and there was smelly clothes, and i found a condowm just laying on the ground (wasnt mine)..and i sat in his bathroom crying abit, realising how bad my first time was..he was so rough the whole time..but i didnt tell him that i was a virgin..cos i wanted to act like i could handle everything..

I went into his room cos he was still asleep and was looking for my clothes..i lost my shirt and i was trying not to wake him up cos i was so embarresed..i ended up just taking one of his jumpers and leaving.. so a week later im at this house party and he sees me comes up to me and slaps me on the ass and acts like he owns me..and he whispers in my ear "if you dont have sex with me im going to show everyone this video of me and you having sex"..i didnt belive him until he showed me the video..i was mortified. i couldnt fucking belive that i didnt realise he was filming us the whole time!..and he told me his brother & dad was watching us have sex aswell.. i felt so used and dirty & ashamed..he blackmailed me into having sex with him again and i fell into the trap because i was so nieve. He ended up coming to my school and showing everyone that sex video anyway..and at the time i didnt come to school for a few weeks cos everyone was still talking about it..i was so embarresed..my mum ended up finding out from someones mother who rang up and said i was a little slut and a bad influence on other girls, and she kicked me out of home and then a week later i met my boyfriend that im with now. But looking back i cant belive i let him get away with such a thing. I plan on telling this girl terri..i hope she dosnt get stung like this, or maybe his blackmailing her into it, like he did to me. i dunno. his kinda a pedophile his 26 or 27 now..and his still fucking 15/16 yr olds. it makes me sick. and i cant belive how dumb i was either.

Well im with a great bloke now anyway so you cant change your past. I also think, god i was so fat back then, i would have looked horrible in a sex video..least i can laugh about it now..it took alot of time to get over, i thought it would have been a chick that fucked me over real bad..but nope.this guy has proved himself a worthy asshole. :) that cunt.

Anyways intake:

b: 1x toasted wholmeal bread slice w a little butter and a poached egg.
l: 1 sml tin of lemon pepper tuna on 2 salada crackers with shredded lettuce

s: 1 apple and a cup of rasberries & 1 sml tub of yoghurt

d: 1 can of diet coke for dinner lol.

Hope that wasnt too much of a heavy post for you all to read.
Im going to go work my fat ass off at the gym and maybe relax with a spa and massgae ;)

Love ya'll :P

Talk to you soon my pretties♥
xo

New love: True Blood.

Okay so i been a good little girl the past few days, i havnt been eating any sweet stuff or cake :) yay. i just been drinking diet coke which is 1.5 cals..but i dont really like fizzy drinks cos im sus theres lots of sugar hidden. Ive cut down alot, and the first 3 days not eating much is the hardest but if i keep myself busy i dont notice. Im working 10 days straight this week and its been so hectic...but i realise that i dont eat cos im so flat out..this will be good for me, since ive been having a little trouble loosing those few extra kilos that have been bugging the shit out of for me for the past week. Still sitting at the same weight, hasnt gone up or done..kinda just flat. I still am motivated to loose weight so this si good, usually i just fall off the motivation cycle and give up. but not yet :D im driven to get nice toned legs this time round :):):)

Alright, now im one of those girls when handed a tv series in dvd form i sit there and watch every episode. eg: when my boyfriend bought me gossip girl season 1 & 2 i made sure i watched every episode until there were no more discs. Well my friend nix gave me a dvd series of the tv show on foxtel called "True Blood" and OMG i fucking love it so much! Its so addictive to watch! its kinda like a less pansy version of twilight, im not knocking twilight cos i like that too..but this is just way better and similiar in some kind of ways. I watch it and its kinda like thinspo aswell..cos there all walking around in mini dresses and short shorts. (well the chicks are lol) ..but the thing i like most about it, is that there not all skinny super models with hot vampire boyfriends..i mean its kinda realistic in a way..but not. i dunno i guess you gotta watch it for yourself..deffinatly check it out!!! Oh and the theme song is so catchy once you listen to it haha!

Okay so heres whats pumping on my ipod atm: (new & old songs)

love lost- the temper trap

unbroken- stan walker

getting over you- david guetta feat.fergie,lmfao,chris willis

since youve been gone- powderfinger

your loves a drug- leighton meester

wish you well- bernard fanning

fortune faded- red hot chilli peppers

glam- christina aguliera

Well now thats ive cleaned my whole house its time to go to work :( nooooooooo. there is a freaky guy who is in love with me there at the moment. it creeps me out. gross.lol. Ha how weird there is a guy who looks like edward cullen at our work...his names chris but i say hi edward everytime i see him..i dont think he understands yet? or maybe his used to it lol. im gonna try and get a picture of him to show you all haha. i nearlly had a heart attack cos i thought it was robert pattinson haha. lmao.

Intake:

b: 2 slices of wholemeal bread w scrambled eggs

s: yoghurt with chopped rasberries & 2 minute noodles

l: not sure yet?????

d: - none!

drinks: diet coke & water

Hmmm theres a 21st on this weekend and i dont wanna go, wtf is wrong with me.. oh well i guess i dont wanna go out and party until my body has improved dramtically. looks like ill be inside for a while. its almost winter anyway, too cold to party haha.

Talk to you soon my pretties♥

xxxx

Spot the Difference?!?

Just posted some pics from my personal collection lol. First one is from last year when i went to melbourne aqaurium. The other is christmas in melbourne,which was awesome! and the last but not least..is the damage i can do with a nail gun!... i shot my boyfriend with a nail gun by accident and got him through 2 fingers :S i almost passed out when i did it. i thought he was joking when he screamed and said "fuck you shot me with a nail" and i was like "phfft whatever" his like 'look' and i was like ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh wtf! shit!! i was screaming haha. the things my boyfriend has to put up with!!

So ages ago me an dylan "dylanger" (who i mentioned in my last post) got our friend jade to take some professional photos of us..i was looking through mine, and these photos were taken when i was at my heaviest last year..and now that i have lost some weigh whent i look at these pics i cringe at the thought i looked like that in some point of my life.. I do see some improvement this year, i have my collar bones back, my arms arents as chubby and ive lost weight around my face. So me and dylan are getting some more taken this year to see the difference. His photos turned out better than mine, but his also lost more weight since these photos were taken. Heres a look at the pics:

&& all i can say is gross.

Sooooo my plan today is to sleep or keep my self occupied so i dont eat food. i have a shitload of tafe work i just cannot be fucked doing even though i know i have a test tommorow and a whole bunch of shit to hand in.. i mean this is to get my diploma in commercial cookery and i fuck around something chronic. Instead of doing work that will help me with my future i might just go see kelly and play with play doh :P haha. wooo.

Got another bbq on tonight aswell, i live in a world where bbqs is something that happenes every weekend..even throughout the week. this is something i cant escape from it seems. good thing is it will be like 8pm so i can just say i already ate and discard myself from eating those fatty sausages with bread..turning away bbq food is easy..its the nibblies they put on the table that shit me..like cheese/dips crackers, chips and shit like this..cos ill sit there talking and not realise im picking up food to eat it..and im not even hungry? i just do it cos its a social thing and everyone else is doing it. i call this the sheep effect. i do this alot..see people eating then i eat aswell, knowing that im not even hngry but i do it anyway. I think i pis myself off more than anyone else ever could.

On the plus side, a guy from work said my bum is getting smaller. lol. i was kinda happy but then im like so he thought it was fat before..damm. maybe its cos i was wearing black pants instead of chef pants... i felt like ive been out of control a little lately though..i realised that i can put my leg over my head..this comes to a suprise cos my gut would usually stop me. that was pretty random.

Im going to rape my boyfriend this week. i need sexercise!

Well might head out for a walk its nice and sunny today and im in the mood to pound the pavements and loose some KG's.

Gonna try out those idea's that you guys told me for snacks today!! wish me luck on not consuming to many calories!!

♥

xo

Ahoy me skinnies! ♥

Helllloooo i seem to be missing in action at the mo' sorry guys!! I dunno what i been doing lately to be honest..im still fighting myself and my weight..nothing new there i spose. I think ive been a real slack ass.

Well went n did some "man shopping" today with my old friend dylan aka. "dylanger" because he dosnt like to have a boring name lol. We were joined at the hip almost everyday for all of our high school years, he also went through the same thing as me, batteling with weight...he was really really fat (hard to belive) and he has lost over 40 kilos!! Im so proud of him, girls now come up to him and say his really hot but he tells them to fuck off cos they never liked him before when he was fat. which i think is fair..but people do look better when they are skinnier i spose. Soo0o we went to cotton on and dressed in some pretty outrageous clothes.heres some photos i took on my phone, i dressed him in these! lmao!!:

Um yeah we have really big bags, we could almsot fit in them haha..well we tried to climb in but the shop person was lookin at us like we were on crack or somethin haha.I know, i still look like a fat blob..but the clothes im wearing dont really help either..what was i thinking.??????And this is my most recent photo, i know im looking abit fake and very fat :S but i plastered on the make up cos i was going out :) lol. true kalgoorlie style. stfu anyway if u dont like it lol. Most girls look like they have concrete caked onto their faces and you could get a trowel and scoop it off LOL. i got the hell ghetto earrings happening there ;D cha ching!

Anyway since i have had a really big fat day with an overload of fatty food and binging i have decided to go on strike with food again. im just not gonna eat as much during the day..and since its my 2 days off im just gonna sleep so i dont eat. yeppp. sounds good to me! Me and my friend lexi are having a competition who can loose the most weight in 2 months. and we decided who ever wins is gonna shout the other person a trip to bali...like bali is so cheap so its only a $100 flight and some accomadtion..so its only like a $500 bet..which i dont wanna loose lol!! I guess it gives me abit of motivation aswell. so FUCK YOU FOOD. muwahahahahaha.

Next friday i get my new tattoo on my foot, its gonna be dardy as! Ill post piccys! Well im really not looking forward for next week i have to work a week straight..gay. :( but i get 4 days off and im soo going sun baking in the beer garden at judds. woop woop. ill take my dylan and we'll sit out in the sun all day. yay. i need to work on my tan its heaps fading and im all pasty n shit. shudder shudder shudder.

Well in my last post i said i was gonna scan a page from my fitness diary, i will do that on monday kk. ;) I need some snack ideas..im kinda just sticking to watermelon at the moment..but its kinda sugary and yoghurt makes me feel fat now. maybe just chewy gum or pumpkin seeds? id love to hear your suggestions guys!!

stay thin & pretty♥ xo

Wannarexic ;(

Sorry for my dis-appearance i have been busy and working abit too much :( so today i called a sickie at work..not a fake one though, i ate some indian food last night and shit. i mean thats what i was doing shitting & spweing everywhere :( its hell gross. i think i delibratly got sick though..cos there was a guy there who used to try and hit on me and i said no, but then he got my number off his work phone when i rang up to order..then i started getting calls from him like 12 times a day and i got sick of it and when he rang again carlos answered the phone and told him to fuck off or his gonna shove his head up his ass. fair enoguh. he never called me again...so when i ordererd my chicken korma i thought everything was all good until i started throwing up and crapping myself..fucking twats they did something to my food. those cunts. i guess its not all bad, i wont be eating for a little while. lol. stay at home in bed is a good option for me at the moment.

So this is what i got up to on sunday, me and my friend kelly sat in her lounge with her boyfriend and a few others making play doh burgers. lol. better than eating the real thing i spose. I had a great sunday..just relaxing which i havnt done in so long. Me, kelly and tristan went and ordered a "big mob of hot chips" is how i explained it over the phone and some gravy and sat at the front of our house using a scarf for a blanket having our own picnic. it was great, the weather was perfect and i just had one of those days im gonna remember forever...i have only had a rare handful of these days..and they all hold really good memories for me.

So..i had hot chips, yep and i had a large chocolate sunday last night, indian food (BAD) and wedges with sour cream. I have fallen off the ban wagon hard and been eating really shitty food, but luckily havnt gained much weight. i have been exercising like a maniac though i went to the gym for 2 hours and only managed to loose 200 cals on the xtrainer and stair machine but i like to feel the burn..of course i ruined all my hard work by eating that shit..but i cant re-strain myself. bad kristen..ill smack myself. But aside from that one day eating really shithouse food i have been eating alot of fruit & veg, noodles,nuts and chicken and salad wraps. I think maybe i should stop kidding myself, ill never be ana. i should just do what everyone sais and eat healthy and exercise..although i do love counting calories and looking at thinspo..maybe im just a wannarexic. :( dammm. sorry guys ive let you all down, i still plan on loosing weight but in a different way..fuck i hate being so in-decissive i can never make up my mind and what i wanna do..i guess thats why ive never been successful loosing tons of weight. I will still post thinspo cos i need a goal to aim for. I guess i will still type about the same crap i always do and still have the same goals, just eating alot more differently than i was. i will still consume probly 800-1000 cals. god, makes me shudder but i think ive had a change of heart, from when i found out that i could have difficulties having children if im not eating right, plus we have a heart condition in our family..so i think just eating healthy and still counting what i eat is gonna help me the most..starving for days on end fucks my head up bad!!!!!

well went to the gym and bought a personal training diary and it maps out how many calories,exercise and everything youve eaten in a day..i should scan a page so you guys can print it out and make your own book..or you could just buy one for $30 bucks ;)

well tell me what you think guys??? :) hopefull youll still follow my blog even though im eating more calories. *sigh* dont worry ill still probly abuse the shit out of myself when ive had a fat day. lol.

ciao ciao

xx

just a little thinspo ;)

i just felt posting pics again, not many words. i just need some thinspiratin right now more than anything. so i put some up for you to my skinnies♥ still abit down from yesterday saying or commenting on my fat ass. those bastards..they just give me motivation to make myself skinnier. they will see.

lotsa luvv

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fat ass syndrome!!!!!!!

That was much needed skinnyness that my eyes needed to see!!

awww shit ;( i can count how many times in the last 2 days people have called me pretty to my face and then say "but you got a fat ass" at the end. amount of times = 17 times. its like everyone has got togehter and started bagging me out. fuck the lot of them. i want to stab them in the eyes. THATS IT! those motherfuckers have pushed me over the edge this time, im going hardcore..fuck it, ill do whatever it takes now...before i was soft on myself. but nope, fark it all.

There is a guy at our work who (no shit) looks like a better version of orlando bloom and his such a romeo his like oh your the prettiest girl here..but i dunno whats goin on with your junk in the trunk though. i was like devo :o wtf. what a burn. oh well my boyfriend is way better least he sais he will get me lipo one day haha. his the best boyfriend a girl could ever want, and his sleeping next to me he looks like a little angel..that snores hehe.♥

zomg, the shit that is flying around our work, you gotta duck for cover..cos fuck it was so tense at work..i have a new word in my vocabulary and it is: SKANKCHOPS..and im using this to descirbe a lady at work, becuase thats just what she is to me..well this lady tanya (skankchops) who has the haircut like a mushroom, is the biggest gossip she starts so much shit, but today carlos gave her a verbal thrashing. hahaha she soooo fucken deserved it, she started shit about me saying i was on heroin to loose weight..i was like umm yeah thats the first ive heard of it,phhhft....yet she is a 40 yr old woman who sleeps with 19 yr old men..But seriosuly i think she should go back to school the old washed up 2 cent hooker who dresses like a spice girl and learn how to get a fucken life!! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRH. as you might be able to tell i am venting, i have had enough of people commenting about my fat ass. fuckers. ill show them.

well im gonna go to sleep now and dream about skinny lambs jumping over my head. im tired, i went to a yoga class with carlos and im fucked. he kept falling on the floor and i kept bursting out laughing cos we looked fucking hopeless. hehe well off to my nice comfy bed, that is white and poofy cos i got new covers mmmm nothing like new bed sheets...also very good for sexy time ;D

love you my little skinnies♥

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